Thank you for helping me choose a better feeling thought!
I don’t know if I’ve ever (publicly) explained this before, but I absorb, and tolerate, even accept ”upset“ to a point, but after kindly expressing my concerns or frustrations (to one or more people), and not being heard, I then speak in a firm, perhaps demanding ”tone” or get loud.
At some point, my emotions boil over. And it only seems people hear me then. Ugh!
Either you want people to share, or you don’t. I am not shy, nor boastful. I am nice. I am kind.
The stream of consciousness, when cut, will come out in another way. Because Life ALLways finds a way.
Have you been belittled, or picked last?
In my 58 years on this planet, I’ve learned that
I’m typically too nice, overly sensitive, and emotional. But, I am not a victim, and certainly do not wallow in victimhood.
I’m a deep and careful listener, loyal friend, and strong advocate (especially for the underdogs, misunderstood, misfits, and those who create a healthier world for us all—beyond the next 7 generations). I am a critical thinker. And embrace individuality. I love the freedom I find in BEing independent.
I have a profound knowing that We Are All Connected. And that we’re only as strong as our weakest link.
We can pull together, or we can pull apart.
Notice the separation of the colors of the rainbow 🌈? What does it make you appreciate?
I listen first
I sit and I listen, gratefully with as much compassion as I have access to with mySelf, as others talk, often sharing too much of the current discord.
Then I speak.
But, it doesn’t feel good to me, when my voice gets “put in the back of the bus” by someone.
I only speak when I feel a strong urge. When I am compelled to share. I am propelled by Omniscience. And when my voice is cut off while I am sending love, what shall I do? This physically hurts me. I care deeply. But because of my complexion, my pain doesn’t matter? We ALL have a message, but here I go again, having to write it through my tears because SOMEONE felt they needed to hear from their more important “in that moment” others.
In my humble opinion, promoting or monetizing poor behavior—is of a low vibration. And it serves to perpetuate one-sided, dense thinking. And yes, I know how that sounds. I am well aware that is a judgment, and obviously, others see nothing wrong with it to further their “cause.”
We never really know who (or how) others, no matter their complexion or ethnicity, have been persecuted.
Learning all the time
Do you believe as I, that life is a school? And that Everything, in particular, every experience we have is presented to us for learning?
Do you often wish you would respond to each challenge with your best response?
Perhaps people use bullying tactics to feel empowered. Perhaps bullying is their way of standing in their power. But, to the one in their way, it feels as though they are preying on the vulnerable or weak person.
I write a lot about the power of words, and tone. And tone can be expressed in writing, as well as when spoken. Thus, I thought I had grown to a place where words couldn’t hurt me.
But, I believe that we all mirror each other to some degree.
I don’t want to mirror someone’s dark side, so I often walk away, and simply stop arguing or fighting. I realize that “sending them love” would be my highest vibrational response, yet I am not always emotionally strong enough. At times, I have pushed back and been direct, only for the situation to escalate—even to the point of physical abuse.
This brings me to relate a recent situation:
I was emotionally triggered by a response (that looked and felt quite rude), to a comment made by one of my longest and dearest friends on my group, We Are All Connected. My dear friend had expressed her deeply religious comment (based on her belief) to a beautiful photo I had shared. The problem was that an acquaintance didn’t like my friends’ comment and felt offended by it because he is an atheist.
Initially, when I read his comment I felt it in my body. And the feeling wasn’t good. My gut wrenched because I felt like I had been punched! I wanted to spare my friends feelings, and as the admin, I removed HIS comment. That set off more back and forth from him because he felt I was choosing sides. And I was. Not because I don’t like him, or dislike atheists, or because I like her more, and approve of her religious beliefs, but simply to FEEL BETTER. (And he clearly broke the group rules anyway—he was not kind.)
I have taken a lot of being talked down to, even in the business coaching program I am currently in. I often receive criticism, push back, month after month. Though we are encouraged to think big, and come up with a program worthy of a $10k price-tag, MY ideas are often dismissed as either “fantasy,” “unrealistic,” or that we may not be UP TO delivering what we want to offer.
So, I had one of those “last straw” moments in a group the other day. And unfortunately that moment coincided with other personal stressors (which I had tried to explain to my coach the day before, but was ushered to focus on our objective for efficiency’s sake).
Either you want people to share, or you don’t. I thought the point of a small group discussion was to speak our heart?
Of course I honor everyone on our intimate group calls. But, they had been quiet and I felt the inspiration to speak, so I broke through any thoughts about being misunderstood, and I opened my mouth to speak healing.
I will never know, now, what the last sentence would have been (it was only one more sentence), because our coach felt he needed to hear from others in our group (whom had not spoken in 8 minutes, and no one knew why). And thankfully, I had gotten to share a few thoughts, a few minutes earlier. I think my grandmother may have been speaking through me. And it’s sad her words were not allowed to be heard. I think she wanted us to realize that we never know who or how others, no matter their complexion or ethnicity, have been persecuted. But apparently, that was not the time (to speak that knowledge aloud).
I can find value in Everything. And I can turn, turn, turn, to the next best feeling.
All that to say, as a writer, and spiritually open-minded, caring, empathic, and such, I came abruptly, face-to-face with my own fallibility. I am human. I am not perfect. So how can I be an empowering coach?
By teaching you this?
Thank YOU (in appreciation of whomever is challenging me in any moment), for helping me make a better choice.
Maybe we need to start by changing the way we think about these words:
black and dark, white and light.
- People for whatever reason, even as children, are afraid of the dark.
- Light complexion people tend to call anyone with a darker complexion, black.
- Black in the light spectrum is the absorption of all the other colors.
Let’s ponder this.
At some point, in the spiral of time, humanity will learn to appreciate, honor, and even revere, the CONTRAST that brings about Creation.
You are worthy.
Your inner YOU is L-I-M-I-T-L-E-S-S
As ALLways, thank YOU for helping me make a better choice.