Now, that I’ve broken free from the drama of my youth;
Having learned what it means to heal and become whole;
And written, spoken and sang many times about all of that;
Having traveled through many of the states I’d dreamed of;
I’ve found myself, and continued to be:
Steeped in history;
Fascinated by my ancestry;
Serene near the ocean;
Entranced by magical trees;
Engaged with mystical rocks;
And mesmerized by waterfalls;
Raising children at the World’s Most Famous Beach, and lastly at the Jersey shore;
Enjoying the beach sand in summer,
The endless sway of the palm trees,
More than watching the games people play;
I’ve lived in the middle of the USA in the icy winter and visited snowy New England,
To usher in new technology and witness twin granddaughters birth;
I haven’t always been true to myself,
but I’ve experienced magnificence growth in ALL.
I’ve found excitement, romance, pain, and peace;
I’ve discovered that I’ve always been me, in ALL ways—whether happy or sad;
And I am thankful.
I am content.
I was me all along.
And I put all of me into my children, the good, the bad, and the beautiful;
My soul hasn’t changed much, but my mind and heart has expanded;
Widening my perception;
Deepening my compassion;
I’ve enhanced my understanding of so many things;
And calibrated back to balance;
To continue to bloom where I am planted.
Me – 42 years later.
I have a passion for WORDS and Connecting people. In particular, I love speaking and writing about spiritual and consciousness raising topics, holistic wellness and simple healthy living. I am empathic, intuitive, compassionate, and kind, with a keen and unified wisdom about life.
I’m an Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon. Plus, I’ve written a health book (in the making for 13 years), Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, that’s available here.
Observations about the author
Conversations surrounding emotional balance, moral ambiguities, and deep spiritual truths (such as We Are All Connected, and Put Your Hands Together When You Pray), are what Sheila is most passionate about. She feels a profound empathic Connection with people and what they’re going through by merely sharing her own truth, by speaking freely about her personal struggles and the challenges she continues to overcome. Sheila strives to ease lonelines, help those exiting toxic relationships, and to remind us all that we are stronger than we think we are, and that Everything Resolves to Gratitude in the end.
Thank you for helping me choose a better feeling thought!
I don’t know if I’ve ever (publicly) explained this before, but I absorb, and tolerate, even accept ”upset“ to a point, but after kindly expressing my concerns or frustrations (to one or more people), and not being heard, I then speak in a firm, perhaps demanding ”tone” or get loud.
At some point, my emotions boil over. And it only seems people hear me then. Ugh!
Either you want people to share, or you don’t. I am not shy, nor boastful. I am nice. I am kind.
The stream of consciousness, when cut, will come out in another way. Because Life ALLways finds a way.
Have you been belittled, or picked last?
In my 58 years on this planet, I’ve learned that I’m typically too nice, overly sensitive, and emotional. But, I am not a victim, and certainly do not wallow in victimhood.
I’m a deep and careful listener, loyal friend, and strong advocate (especially for the underdogs, misunderstood, misfits, and those who create a healthier world for us all—beyond the next 7 generations). I am a critical thinker. And embrace individuality. I love the freedom I find in BEing independent.
I have a profound knowing that We Are All Connected. And that we’re only as strong as our weakest link.
We can pull together, or we can pull apart.
Notice the separation of the colors of the rainbow 🌈? What does it make you appreciate?
I listen first
I sit and I listen, gratefully with as much compassion as I have access to with mySelf, as others talk, often sharing too much of the current discord.
Then I speak.
But, it doesn’t feel good to me, when my voice gets “put in the back of the bus” by someone.
I only speak when I feel a strong urge. When I am compelled to share. I am propelled by Omniscience. And when my voice is cut off while I am sending love, what shall I do? This physically hurts me. I care deeply. But because of my complexion, my pain doesn’t matter? We ALL have a message, but here I go again, having to write it through my tears because SOMEONE felt they needed to hear from their more important “in that moment” others.
In my humble opinion, promoting or monetizing poor behavior—is of a low vibration. And it serves to perpetuate one-sided, dense thinking. And yes, I know how that sounds. I am well aware that is a judgment, and obviously, others see nothing wrong with it to further their “cause.” We never really know who (or how) others, no matter their complexion or ethnicity, have been persecuted.
Learning all the time
Do you believe as I, that life is a school? And that Everything, in particular, every experience we have is presented to us for learning?
Do you often wish you would respond to each challenge with your best response? Perhaps people use bullying tactics to feel empowered. Perhaps bullying is their way of standing in their power. But, to the one in their way, it feels as though they are preying on the vulnerable or weak person.
I write a lot about the power of words, and tone. And tone can be expressed in writing, as well as when spoken. Thus, I thought I had grown to a place where words couldn’t hurt me. But, I believe that we all mirror each other to some degree.
I don’t want to mirror someone’s dark side, so I often walk away, and simply stop arguing or fighting. I realize that “sending them love” would be my highest vibrational response, yet I am not always emotionally strong enough. At times, I have pushed back and been direct, only for the situation to escalate—even to the point of physical abuse.
This brings me to relate a recent situation: I was emotionally triggered by a response (that looked and felt quite rude), to a comment made by one of my longest and dearest friends on my group, We Are All Connected. My dear friend had expressed her deeply religious comment (based on her belief) to a beautiful photo I had shared. The problem was that an acquaintance didn’t like my friends’ comment and felt offended by it because he is an atheist.
Initially, when I read his comment I felt it in my body. And the feeling wasn’t good. My gut wrenched because I felt like I had been punched! I wanted to spare my friends feelings, and as the admin, I removed HIS comment. That set off more back and forth from him because he felt I was choosing sides. And I was. Not because I don’t like him, or dislike atheists, or because I like her more, and approve of her religious beliefs, but simply to FEEL BETTER. (And he clearly broke the group rules anyway—he was not kind.)
I have taken a lot of being talked down to, even in the business coaching program I am currently in. I often receive criticism, push back, month after month. Though we are encouraged to think big, and come up with a program worthy of a $10k price-tag, MY ideas are often dismissed as either “fantasy,” “unrealistic,” or that we may not be UP TO delivering what we want to offer.
So, I had one of those “last straw” moments in a group the other day. And unfortunately that moment coincided with other personal stressors (which I had tried to explain to my coach the day before, but was ushered to focus on our objective for efficiency’s sake).
Either you want people to share, or you don’t. I thought the point of a small group discussion was to speak our heart?
Of course I honor everyone on our intimate group calls. But, they had been quiet and I felt the inspiration to speak, so I broke through any thoughts about being misunderstood, and I opened my mouth to speak healing.
I will never know, now, what my last sentence would have been (I felt it was only going to one last sentence), because our coach felt he needed to hear from others (whom had been silent for 8 minutes, and no one knew why). And thankfully, I had gotten to share a few thoughts a few minutes earlier. Sad to say, but I think my grandmother may have been speaking through me. I think she wanted to say something about how we never know who or how others, no matter their complexion or ethnicity, have been persecuted. But apparently, this was not the time (to speak that knowledge aloud).
I can find value in Everything. And I can turn, turn, turn, to the next best feeling.
All that to say, as a writer, and spiritually open-minded, caring, empathic, and such, I came abruptly, face-to-face with my own fallibility. I am human. I am not perfect. So how can I be an empowering coach?
By teaching you this? Thank YOU (in appreciation of whomever is challenging me in any moment), for helping me make a better choice.
Maybe we need to start by changing the way we think about these words:
black and dark, white and light.
People for whatever reason, even as children, are afraid of the dark.
Light complexion people tend to call anyone with a darker complexion, black.
Black in the light spectrum is the absorption of all the other colors.
Let’s ponder this.
At some point, in the spiral of time, humanity will learn to appreciate, honor, and even revere, the CONTRAST that brings about Creation.
You are worthy.
Your inner YOU is L-I-M-I-T-L-E-S-S
As ALLways, thank YOU for helping me make a better choice.
This is not a political post. This is a psychological inquiry into mySelf and human nature.
WARNING! You may not like this post of self examination because it may challenge your own personal beliefs or biases. So, only the strongest of will, most open-minded, and highly mature persons are allowed. Hahahaha! Not really. But sometimes I feel like those are the only people reading my blog! (I love you ALL! ❤️🦋🌀)
I am like Trump because I feel an urge to speak my mind, publicly. This has been true of me since I was a teenager and started talking to anyone and everyone on my dad’s CB radio! 🔈🎤
I am like Trump because I love looking at the whole enchilada, or big picture of a situation (and of life). And it’s freakin’ HUGE! (By the way, I love using the word “huge” and don’t want to stop using it. I know at any given point, we are only seeing and experiencing a small segment of life (that which we ourselves are living), but beyond my own personal space, I see a huge world! A ginormous world full of abundance and unlimited possibilities for ALL. ❤️🌀
I am like Trump because I think I could be a goodleader. (Emphasis on “think.”) I would rather lead than follow. And true leaders, learn from their mistakes. 🧐💭
I am like Trump because while I dislike criticism (who doesn’t?), I can tolerate it, learn from it, and on my better days, use it to empower mySelf. A lot of my best ideas have been born from changing my perspective. One of my mantras is: Thank you for helping me make a better choice. And it was birthed after working for someone who irritated me—DAILY! ❤️🤪
I am like Trump because I often follow my feelings, especially about medical stuff (duh, my book, which offers advice to others), and how I take care of my own health. I don’t wait for double blind, placebo controlled studies—I Am The Placebo. Nod to Dr. Joe Dispenza. ❤️😉
I am like Trump because I like to use Twitter. It is a cultural phenomenon! (Actually, that could be said about all social media.) I write like I speak also. Mostly, my brain isn’t fully engaged until my mouth starts moving! Hahahaha! Yes, that gets me into trouble at times. But, you hear my honest answer, even if you don’t like it. I am not a politician! 🤯🤣 I love how Twitter helps keep me from overthinking (as I am obviously doing now), while coaxing me to write concisely and in the moment—though I don’t tweet very often, I have a strong urge to tweet. 🐦😉
I am like Trump because I am not always right, but I am always considering my next move—often 3 steps ahead. (A good chess player, though I don’t play chess.) 😉🤯
I am like Trump because I am a strategic thinker, or critical thinker. And at this point you may be thinking critically of me! Hahahaha! Why does the Billy Joel song, “You May Be Right” ring in my ears as I write this?!? 🎼🙃
I am like Trump because I value a solid work ethic, and highly promote personal liberties, assuming proper guidance (learn and earn). ✍️💵
I am like Trump because I value education. I value street smarts as much as higher education (as I have learned from both). I taught my children (and those under my watch), not to touch the hot stove. (I recognize controls and rules are not necessarily a bad thing, and are good until a level of maturation, independence, and critical thinking is achieved. 🕰💡
So, you see, I can write a short blog article! Hahahaha! 🤣😂🤣
I may not have a lot in common with President Trump, but my dad thought a lot of him (as my dad was a wheeler dealer and thrived on the art of a deal), and so do millions of Americans. ❤️🇺🇸
Thus, I thought it might be wise of me to analyze (and note), where I align with our president—in particular, before criticizing him for his tweets or decisions. And as you know, I really dislike labels, name-calling, and such.
This was the inspiration for my process and write this article:
I’m an Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon. Plus, I’ve written a new book (in the making for 13 years), Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, that’s now available for online sale and distribution (PDF format). Buy it here.
My husband and I turned off the television and cut the cable about 2 years ago. Why? There were many reasons that still hold true today, as I will elaborate:
A child of the 60s
Being a child of the 60s, I used to sit on the floor (or lay down), and watch television (TV) for many hours. Hours on end. And when I wanted to watch a different show, I had to physically get up to change the CHANNEL. (Gasp! I know, right?)
Ah, yes. All those shows, or rather PROGRAMS. They were funny, sad, dramatic, or fascinating. They were full of words and actions all specifically geared to grab and hold my attention via a CHANNEL and PROGRAM me! And boy, did they keep me focused. They put me into such a trance like state that my mother often had a hard time getting my attention!
The dawn of reality
Many years later, it dawned on me. They call it television PROGRAMMING for a reason. And I had been hoodwinked to think they had just been entertaining me. But, the entertainment industry is a business. BIG BUSINESS.
Fast forward some 40 years. My husband began watching my favorite soap opera with me. After a few weeks, he said, “They just keep bringing these characters back from the dead, don’t they?” And then something clicked in me. It’s all the same story—repeating all the time! I began to spot the patterns. And in every show on mainstream TV, we could surmise the storyline and tell what the plot would be, before it even happened!
We quit watching
Eventually, after being lulled to sleep enough times, or annoyed by lazy screenwriters, we quit watching any mainstream TV and switched entirely to the pay CHANNELS! The writers for the shows on HBO, Showtime, and such were so much sharper! But even with that, we would find ourselves bored in one or two seasons of most series, and watch movies instead.
More importantly, we could see certain agendas being pushed. Common narratives. Plus, we were always being “sold” something. The advertising was getting so ridiculous! And we wondered if we were the only ones awakening to the games show BUSINESS was playing.
What was happening to the masses of people watching?
First, let’s start with those monotonous soap operas. We know they were originally developed to sell the stay-at-home moms, soap. Yes, literally.
Then, there were episodic shows that prompted the whole consumer mentality to “keep up with the Joneses”—whomever the Joneses were! And who would care? Apparently, a whole lot of folks. And the beast of advertising every product or service from A to Z began to run rampant.
People tend to literally zone out in front of the TV and in that mental state, whatever they see and hear gets absorbed into their mind—and into every cell of their body!
We lose track of time when we watch TV. And many of the shows seem to push dogmas or agendas. And when one disagrees with those threads of dogma, that can cause anxious feelings or ANXIETY! I want to feel FREE and at peace.
Historically speaking, when the television remote came onto the scene, people as a society began to mute the commercials. Why? And when we got a video recording device, for me at least (it was an $800 VCR from a rental place), we could fast forward through all the commercials! I loved that, but didn’t think about why. I was just happy that I could watch my daytime soaps at night after I got home from work! Oh, those were the days!
But, I digress.
Story lines and plots
It seemed every family show was full of chaos and challenges. Everyone was always buying something new. Or one of the characters had some lingering issue. The dumber or more silly the story, the funnier we thought it was, until it wasn’t. Every good family value seemed to be shaken.
I yearned for smart stories and plots. Intelligent writing that would intrigue me. I wanted more love and no fear—because I’d learned that every choice came from clear discernment.
Truth in advertising?
We have been overly stimulated by the commercials. Big business runs it all anyway. I mean, who else can afford a TV commercial?When alcohol and tobacco ads were banned, the pharmaceutical and insurance industries jumped in to fill the void. Oh, brother!
Those big pharma commercials began to bother me so much, I would get mad! And that’s when I began to awaken. I began to question what the hell was going on. The list of side effects include DEATH!
It all matters
I’ve been a holistic health researcher and proponent of alternative health methods since 2005, but actually my interest in natural health began much earlier (when I was 6 years old). I explain this all in my book, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life! (Hint: my mom and her parents believed and used spiritual healing ways, and chiropractic.)
When I questioned myself and why it took me 20 years to quit watching my favorite soap opera I realized it all boiled down to consumerism. And I had been programmed since I was a toddler!
Thankfully, I’ve emerged from the PROGRAMMING! And it’s a good thing too, because we are too busy to watch TV now.
What do we do instead?
I work a day job (see my holistic resume)
Working our new business, Murrey Makers—multimedia advertising that combines my intuitive word coaching and writing skills, along with my sharp eye for details that most people miss, with my husband’s award-winning graphic/illustration talent and songwriting, to draw in dream clients
Chat with those interested in our new business to see how we can help them
Video conferencing with our 8 year old granddaughter (and 3 year old twins when she shares her time with them… haha!)
Researching health issues such as COVID-19
Building new friendships online
Walking / Exercising (mostly at home)
Speaking/emcee – The Awakening Wellness Festival
Learning new skills and applications for running our new business by working with a high ticket business coach
Singing / rehearsing some of my husband’s 400+ original songs and marketing them online
Sifting for people to share with about our non-toxic health supplement (see my previous articles)
Writing (I have written 3 books, and have a 4th in progress—and I jot down my visions)
Blogging on my two sites and updating articles when links change
Contributing blog articles to The Wellness Universe
Creating new designs with my sayings on them for: t-shirts, mugs, cell phone covers, stickers, shopping bags, tapestries, and more
Going “Live” on Facebook and managing groups and pages there
Making “Off Grid” videos at the new place
Socializing with friends before we moved Feb 29th and after, meeting new neighbors
Putting in solar – adjusting to the new lifestyle
Putting in a garden
Adhering to all the rules around COVID-19, grocery shopping and washing every can, bottle, jar, and such since my husband is 65+ and can’t leave the house
Whew! Until I wrote this, I hadn’t realized why I was so tired! (And why I had been feeling down for a week or so and missed a business retreat).
Yes, I still must take care to actually DO my own self care!
Why all PROGRAMMING bothers me?
We’re smart. Too intelligent to be sold to or duped for long. We’re Awakening. Stubborn and independent. And we’re critical thinkers. Yep. That’s why.
Why big pharma ads bother me?
No one knows your body (and mind) as well as YOU! And this is where (and why) I get all spiritual, because everything is Connected.
We can be our own shaman, guru, preacher, healer, and priest.
We love heart energy and work on renewing our minds everyday. We are fully capable of reaching, listening to, and communing with Spirit everyday.
Spirit created the body and renews the mind, if we but open ourselves to receive.
Jesus, the Christ came to show us the Whole way to live. With God (Omniscience). And that each of us have all that we need. We don’t need a church—sure it is nice to fellowship there, share, show compassion, or enjoy some time, but the point is that we don’t NEED it. Empower yourself with self study. Or simply commune with God as a little child.
I’m an Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon. Plus, I’ve written a new book (in the making for 13 years), Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, that’s now available for online sale and distribution (PDF format). Buy it here.
My friends have asked me many times, “How did you get that job”? I’ve told them some of these things, but maybe not all, so I am beginning a list (I’ll update it) of all my ladder climbing tips.
Also, how can you “play by the rules“, if you don’t know what the rules are?
Like me, you may have read other articles on this topic that have offered “x number of ways to get the job you want” or some other similar titles.
Most already know we must:
Know about the job (understand what the new job may entail)
Prepare a winning keyword-friendly resume (to get it by the automatic resume robots)
Rehearse and visual yourself doing great at the interview (when you get one)
Dress appropriately and professionally for the interview
Ask intelligent and open-ended questions (you also want to interview your potential new boss)
Do NOT ask personal questions
Do NOT ask about office politics, vacation accrual, or salary
If you have notes, or a laptop – open them up and be ready to refer to them or show samples of your work (if asked or if you feel stumped with a question)
Smile and show enthusiasm for the role (people hire people they like)
But I’m not going to talk about those old, and well worn topics because you should already know those (if not, google those to find out more).
Here are my tips:
Always be on time to work at your current job. If there is a valid reason, state it succinctly. No one wants to hear excuses.
If you are going to be late, call, text, and email your boss. Don’t rely on one method of communication to relay this very important information. If you know you are the type of person who is often late or out of office be sure to discuss this with your supervisor up front and determine how he / she would like to be notified.
Not showing up for work is a sign of disrespect and people will never respect you, if you display disrespect. I have worked with people who have been fired for not coming in to work.
Be on time for meetings. No manager wants to wait around for you to begin his / her meeting. It’s also disrespectful and disruptive to the group when you arrive late to a meeting, especially a weekly meeting, or one that has been pre-arranged and on your calendar.
Do critically acclaimed outstanding work at your current job. If you’re the only one at your position then you already know why this tip is key. Build a strong relationship with your boss, and their management (whenever possible). If you work on a team, read the next section about teamwork and why it matters.
Always be in learning mode – be the first to know as much as you can about the new software the company is rolling out.
Raise your hand – be first to volunteer for special projects, lead a new team, or take the project no one else wants. Many people do not want to speak up or raise their hand first, so if you do, your supervisor will LOVE it! Brownie points? Yes, absolutely! Why not? Don’t listen to any lazy or uncaring people if they tell you otherwise. They aren’t feeding / housing your family! There will come a day when your superior will give you a glowing recommendation or promotion, and that’s your goal (it’s why you’re reading this) right?
Always happily accept direction from your boss with a gleam in your eye! Believe it or not, many managers dislike having to “tell you what to do” so, when they come to you with a request, listen attentively, take notes if you need to, ask for clarification if needed, or prioritization if you’re already swamped, but always be eager for something else to do!
Work at an accurate reasonable speed – employers understand that you cannot work safely or with quality at break-neck speed, but when something has been designated a high priority you should definitely move with a sense of urgency to complete the task to your best ability.
Why teamwork matters
Back when I was in college, it really irritated me when one or more people on my project team would slack – not do their fair share of the project work. I’d step up and do more because of my super responsible nature so we could get a high grade. I learned early on the true value of teamwork and team-building.
At work when a team forms, I have experienced team dynamics that follow the “forming, storming, norming, and performing” model credited to Bruce Tuckman in 1965. You can visit wikipedia or buy books about it.
First, the boss may assign several disparate people a goal to complete a project. A team forms, but because you don’t know each other, you encounter a period of ice-breaking and posturing. You may not have a choice over who participates on the team.
The more the team comes together to get the project underway, the group will storm – meaning some people will want to lead, cause conflict, be negative, point out potential issues, or demand respect that has yet to be earned. Arguments and miscommunication occur during the storming phase. Members will pick sides. One or more may decide it’s okay to slack. The boss may need to step back in during the storming phase. When they don’t, it can take the team much longer to get their “ducks in a row” (so to speak).
When the energy of the team evens out and any or all bickering subsides, the team will be in the normal phase and stuff will flow easier. The ebb and flow of cooperation will be experienced by all of the teammates. Communication will improve between all members. Team members may even become friends. The boss doesn’t have to step in much because he / she can direct one team member to effectively communicate the request to the team and trust the team will receive the information and act on it appropriately.
When the work is evenly distributed and stuff is getting done in a timely fashion, the team will be in the performing mode. You feel it when you’re in a goodrhythm and mutual respect and admiration is occurring. It’s exciting! A performing team is unstoppable! Results will be achieved and the team will exude confidence and pride in their accomplishments.
Unfortunately, some people never quite get the whole teamwork attitude though. You’ll need to have a lot of patience as long as these folks remain on your team. It would benefit everyone on the team, and within the company as well, if they’d learn how much teamwork matters.
When team members support each other, they’ll often graciously provide references to individuals within the group when the time comes for one or more folks to move on to leadership roles within the organization, or to a position with another institution or company. A job reference is the ultimate professional compliment! You’ll need three references for your next job and recruiters only want recent references, not someone you did an outstanding job for five or more years ago.
Decision Making, Risk Taking, and Accepting Responsibility
Yes, I know the title is long. I haven’t posted anything in my self analysis section in awhile because I’ve been busy. Went to Connecticut to visit my beautiful one year old granddaughter. Left a job. Began a new job. Got involved with “another” multi-level marketing (MLM) business.
These sound like excuses don’t they? Maybe they are or maybe they’re valid reasons. In either case, it’s me, explaining myself to you. But why? I don’t owe anyone an explanation especially since this is my blog and I write for the love of writing. That’s the point – people tend to “explain” themselves to everyone all the time.
Explaining. We all do this to some degree or another – every day. We typically explain ourselves even to people who really aren’t all that important in our lives. What a waste of energy!
Do you know that when we explain our choices we drain ourselves of energy? Most of us “explainers” are strong “people-pleasers”. We often care more about what others think of us, than we think of ourselves. We do this out of a need to feel ACCEPTED.
We believe we can’t be happy (accept ourselves) unless a) we make others happy, or b) we need others to make us happy. And that’s simply not true. We can CHOOSE to BE – HAPPY. All on our own. No one else needs to DO anything for us, nor do we need to do anything for anyone else.
What a concept!
Do you know where your true JOY comes from?
Being happy with yourself. Accept yourself. Be happy with your life – your journey. If you’re not happy perhaps you’ve made some wrong choices or put yourself in a situation you’d rather not be in. I say “wrong choices” only because ultimately your choices didn’t make you happy! But you learned life lessons. Perhaps you’re feeling sorry for yourself. Give yourself credit for who you are NOW.
You can make a very powerful choice. You can choose to be happy amidst whatever circumstances you find yourself in or you can choose to make different choices.
Sit still – right where you are… for a few minutes and just – BE.
Think of all of the good things in your life. Times when you made wonderful choices. You have every reason in the world to be happy!
There have been times in my life when my supervisor or manager at work wondered why I didn’t make decisions. Typically it was because I was waiting on something or someone to do something first. When I read this article it perfectly explained that situation. I didn’t make certain work decisions because I was waiting for someone’s approval. All that waiting was so draining. And it also seemed that sometimes I’d make a decision only to be criticized (sometimes severely). It put me in the vicious cycle of never being able to win. We’ve all heard people say, “no matter what I do – I can’t win” or “you can’t please everyone”. And that was me – until now.
I make work decisions based upon a risk taking matrix. In the most basic terms it goes something like this:
Is this decision in my best interest? (You sacrifice yourself and your happiness if whatever decision your making is for someone, anyone else.)
Is this choice best for the company? (This includes considering all ethics, laws, etc.)
In 20, 50, or 100 years will this matter?
What is the worst that could happen?
I recognize and accept responsibility. Making a wrong decision almost always can be reversed – if the need is great enough. And I do not work in a field where lives depend upon my decisions. Point is, if the decision is mine to make – I must make it with the best information I understand at the time not necessarily by considering “the need to please others”. There is a time and place for building consensus among team members but this is not the focus of this post.
It’s no wonder people-pleasers have a hard time trusting their own intuition. They’ve been waiting on someone else to do something – anything to relieve them of the need to “make a decision.” I have actually known people who cannot decide upon what restaurant to eat at, or even what item to order once they get there!
A former manager I worked with a few years ago told me one of the traits he looks for in those he promotes is the ability to make a decision! His statement still rings in my ears.
How many people are scared to make a decision?
We must learn to become risk takers and accept responsibility for our choices if we ever hope to become enlightened and be our best most joyous self.
I have blocked my own energy and creative power in the past by feeling a deep need to always explain myself. I am now learning to be much more aware and when I feel the need to explain I think for a moment and reason it out.
I begin to think different thoughts.
It sounds easy enough as I write this, but I tell you – in the moment it’s not so easy.
I almost have to force myself to smile first, before I can guide my thoughts to something happy. People that aren’t “explainers” probably would have no idea what I’m talking about.
The other day a person said something to me in front of others that I didn’t like. I felt the need to explain my side but I didn’t. I felt all of the emotions (due to my thoughts) about the experience well up inside me, my face grew hot, and though I didn’t look in a mirror I knew my chest and neck were probably red, but by gradually and systematicallychanging my thoughts (changing my focus) within less than five minutes I felt back in control. Empowered. No need to explain. No need to get angry. No need to do anything.
Think about what is most important in your life. Who is most important in your life. Put yourself and how you feel – with the goal to be happy – first. Notice the better you feel – the better you feel. Why?To feel better! In turn, you and those you love will feel better too. People around you pick up on your energy. We Are All Connected whether you realize it or not.
If someone is consistently draining you of your energy you only have two choices. Let whatever they say roll off of you as easily as water rolls off a ducks back. Or let the person (or job) go – out of your life.
When someone dissatisfies me in any way, I tell myself, “thank you for helping me make a better decision.” If it happens to be because of some poor service in a restaurant I choose not to go back. If it’s a business situation, I end the association. I’ve quit going to particular service providers. Changed doctors. You name it.
There’s plenty of options out there and I’m not going to stick around someone or remain in a situation that’s not in my best interest. Why would I? I don’t want to come home and complain to my spouse about things I certainly am adult enough to change.
I am quite sure that my words may not teach you how to make decisions, take risks, or accept responsibility for your choices. You may choose to completely disagree with me and that’s okay. I won’t try to change you. 🙂
Take It Upon Yourself is about accepting responsibility for yourself. Your health. Your dreams. Your talents. Your passions and desires. It’s about knowing who YOU are.
Who are you? Have you asked yourself this question? Have you said, “Self, who am I”?
Take a look in the mirror – go ahead, take a good look. Do you know who you are? I realize I may err on being a bit annoying here. But I just wonder how many of us really examine ourselves – and ask ourselves this question. How well do we know our own unique person… mind, body, and soul (or spirit if you’re so inclined to believe in a spiritual self). Each of us have a unique set of fingerprints to remind us that we’re all different, particular, specific individuals.
I’ve been asking myself who I am since turning fifty (50) years of age. I am on a journey of self discovery. I can describe attributes and characteristics of myself, but who am I?
I have discovered that I am Energy, focused in a physical body. I am the sum total of my previous choices and experiences.
I’ve accomplished many things that I never thought I would. I’ve been given everything I have ever wanted. Along the way I did some things I would not do again – but I learned lessons from those experiences. I can’t explain why I did some of the things I did, but I think I had good reasons at the time. I think most people act on the best information they understand at the time.
So, I can’t condemn my former self since I acknowledge that my past choices taught me lessons and turned me into the person I accept as my self today. I believe love is a choice. Life, humility, gratitude, sanity – all are choices.
I have also come to an awareness that beliefs are just thoughts we keep thinking over and over – we always have the power within us to think different (better) thoughts and change ourselves if we don’t like what we see in the mirror. Me? I’m always changing!
So, who am I? LOL
I accept responsibility, fully, for who I am. And I deeply love and accept myself for who I am.
I am a mother, a new grandmother, and wife. I’m a highly responsible individual. I take it upon myself to feel better and make healthy choices everyday. I’m fabulous. 🙂 And I bet you’re fabulous too!
I am more than my mind, body, and soul / spirit. I am the culmination of everything I’ve experienced. And I stand on GREAT shoulders. Strong, loyal, God-loving, parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and so on.
I have also had great mentors and teachers along the way too! Thankfully, God gave me one in particular who proved the value of higher education to me many years ago (because I couldn’t wait to finish high school and had never wanted to go to college). She proved me wrong. Obtaining two degrees kept me gainfully employed on my career path!
Some of my ancestors were persecuted for their beliefs, religion, and even their race, which knowing this – keeps me grounded and humble. I believe that also is the reason, or at least one reason, why I am an empath. I am strong. A survivor of hurt, pains, and traumas. A survivor of former marriages, of loves lost.
I look in the mirror and see a woman who’s changed – a lot!
I now eat foods that I didn’t eat five (5) years ago. I beat asthma. I’m a creative and technical career woman. I’ve co-written songs (with my talented soul-mate hubby), and tried all sorts of alternative health modalities that most of my family and friends haven’t yet explored. I’ve gained weight, but I’ve lost it too! I consider myself somewhat of a renaissance woman. Forging ahead and leading my daughter and granddaughter down new trails.
Taking it upon myself, I want something better for them, an easier path perhaps, than what I had. And I know a lot of people who feel the same way. They want to give their kids more than they had – not material things exactly – but knowledge!
Knowledge is power. An explored, informed, due diligence done, and educated response to life – wow! Just imagine the time I’ll save them, and maybe some pain too.
I heard it once said that a wise person learns not from experience, but from the experiences of others.
I’d like to go down that road less traveled. So, I invite you to… take it upon yourself.