My grandmother (of Cherokee Native American Indian descent) often said,
Never judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins.
And apparently, as a child, those words soaked into me and became my mantra. And I became an empath. Or perhaps, I was born an empath and her words resonated with me and validated my nature. Either way, in my experience, being empathic has been like living on both edges of a sword.
I’ve realized my life’s path has had me walk more than a mile in my mom’s moccasins–and also in my dad’s shoes. And I’m tired. Yet, profoundly grateful I’ve had such a multitude of experiences to learn so much.
No matter how many times I’ve pondered the heartache, the gut-wrenching, soul-shaking, events of my childhood–that I’ve recreated (knowingly or not) in my adult life, with some incredibly outlandish desire to FIX–I eventually cane to a knowing that I can’t fix anyone else. And I’m glad I figured that out before I met my third husband!
No one can fix anyone else.
Just like that old joke,
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb has to want to be changed.
Unfortunately, even my children picked up the yoke of this dastardly twisted need to fix others, as they’ve fallen into some of the same relationship woes as I. And fortunately, all of us are in healthy relationships presently! Thank Limitless God we’ve all awakened from the lure of this whole “fixing” trap!
So, why am I writing this piercing note in the middle of the night?
Because I promised my daughter, if I accomplish one thing on this planet while I’m alive this time around, it is to break the “lather, rinse, and repeat” cycle of fixing–for my granddaughters. And all of my writing (both online and in books) is to ultimately leave earth-bound knowledge for my grandchildren. Of course, if any of these words help others, that’s icing on the proverbial cake!
You see, I never knew Divine LOVE, until I held my first granddaughter in my arms. She (Jennifer Ann), means more to me than I could describe.
What can I deduce from this new found comprehension of having walked all of these miles, in my mother’s, and yes, some in my father’s moccasins?
That life’s not been easy. But, it was never my job to work out their issues.
Tempted to complain
My “love of my life” husband and I picked up a saying this past year that goes,
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
And whenever I start to complain about something that doesn’t really belong to me–someone else’s drama–my hubby will pop that quote out to me. I love him so much for bringing things like that to my attention! He knows the empath in me often gets sucked into other’s drama, because I always feel that I can help ease their pain–somehow.
The Universe presented us with that very same phrase while we were enjoying our big outdoor annual Awakening Into The Sun festival! My friend Mary Ann, owner of Awakened Fibers had a handmade wall hanging with the words, “Not my circus, not my monkeys” embroidered on it! How fun!
Not my problem
And as if that wasn’t enough, a few minutes later while visiting with Dr. Alison J. Kay, her assistant, Brenda, told us a new phrase that fully resonated with me. It was,
You’ve heard it said to get your ducks in a row? But, they were never your ducks.
My goodness! What if the stuff I had taken on (for years), all of those “other people’s problems”, were never my ducks? I never needed to get any “ducks” in a row to straighten out my parents issues. Who did I think I was to feel burdened to do that? Ugh! And now you see why I am tired. Tired of carrying the emotional baggage of others–it was never my stuff to carry!
On the upside, I’ve had a successful (nearly thirty year) career (out of the need to walk in my dad’s technical “know-how” shoes). And after wanting a pair of real honest-to-God moccasins for years, I finally got some, and I’ve been wearing them everyday.
Wearing moccasins daily, I feel every pebble under my feet as I walk. And I love that! I’m constantly mindful that each challenge in life is as the grain of sand that produces a pearl in an oyster!
My daily walks provide me with the benefit of grounding daily, and the knowing that the wearing of these moccasins, physically brings my grandmother’s saying directly into my body—making her words experiential—instead of it just hanging around in my head like some mystical cloud.
So, yes, there are always positives. I know this. Why does it have to take some of us so long to figure things out?
Oh, because we’re programmed as children. Culturally, socially, and if you were raised in a religious faith, you (and I) were programmed. I’m glad I figured that out!
Cut the cords
Now, energetically at least, I’ve cut the cord of all of this for my granddaughters.
Here and now I state, my grandchildren will not have to take any historical family burdens upon themselves. They can be self-filled. Self-motivated. They can help others as they choose. Free spirits! They can care for themselves first, without guilt. They can choose to do what they love! They do not have to repeat the sins of their parents, or of mine. They do not need to try and figure anything out. The past is the past and it is abSOULutely done.
I have broken this chain of fools.