pain – Wholly Integrating Spirals

February 26, 2023May 1, 2023 Sheila “Spiral Sister” Murrey Body, Connections, Education, Mind

Teaser from the second edition of Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life (renamed, Have Yourself a Wholly Vibrant Life

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)

Quite simply, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) cured my addiction/habit of finger skin-picking/chewing. And I believe my story might help others, so I feel compelled to share it. You might wonder what I mean by “picking my fingers.” Years ago I quit biting my fingernails, but I only traded that habit for something less. The main cause of the “picking” had not been addressed.

I bought a book called, Tapping the Healer Within because my acupuncture doctor had told me about it, and because I had tried everything else. I found that book a bit convoluted and besides, it mostly dealt with phobias and anxieties – neither of which I thought I had. More importantly, it was difficult for me to hold the book and try to tap on my body with my other hand. Or maybe that was only my excuse – but the book, though interesting to me, wasn’t enough to help me.

A few weeks before my personal EFT visit with a local therapist, my encouraging hubby and I watched a mind-expanding show on TLC called, I Can Make You Thin. One of the episodes showed the host using EFT to help people overcome their food cravings. Because I had also tried everything to lose weight, I decided that I really needed some one-on-one personal guidance with that, as well as my finger skin-picking habit.

At about that time, I met an EFT practitioner named, Janice Cunningham (Health Quest Titusville, Florida). I was eager to get in for an appointment. During a 2.5-hour session (on a Saturday) with Janice, I described both of my issues fully. By the time we’d wrapped up our session, I found a total resolution to some deep-seated wrong mental programming, and amazingly, I had the best night’s sleep that I’d had in years that night! I guess I had not even realized that my sleep pattern had also been an issue.

My appointment with Janice also greatly helped me to release the finger skin-picking addiction. Janice and I spent nearly two hours going back into my past, into my former marriage, teenage years, and finally, childhood years. I realized that I had picked up my habit of fingernail-biting at the same time asthma began – when I was six years of age. My mom had always been a terrible nail-biter, biting right down into the quick, so I knew I’d picked up the habit from mom, I simply had not realized how much of a connection there was between that habit, my asthma, and my mom.

Example of finger picking on side of my ring fingernail. Yes, sometimes it still occurs when I watch something too intense in a TV show/movie–so perhaps I am not 100% “cured” but I have a LOT more awareness around it and do not continue to pick once I become aware that I’m doing it.

I realized fully during my session that when my mom’s father died, my grandfather, the sadness surrounding his death deeply affected me. When I was six years of age, coincidently, I received an asthma diagnosis. You’ll recall I had explained earlier that my grandfather had died at home after being in the hospital for cancer surgery. They sent him home with the understanding that the doctors had done all they could do. At least my grandfather died at home.

As an aside, one of the things my mother always said was to stay away from hospitals if possible. I think she had heard about people who went to the hospital and died from some infection (like Sepsis) or had the wrong procedure done! My mother’s fear of the hospital was not lost on me. The important thing about that experience for me though, was that even though I was a child, I had a deep connection to my grandfather’s passing, mostly due to how upset my mom was during that time. And because I was thoroughly connected to my mother emotionally.

My mama was very upset about losing her father. She and I, at that time, felt that death was the end. And though our religious belief was that we would see him again in the afterlife, we suffered greatly at the time of his death and for weeks after. I vividly recall believing if she could lose him, I could lose her. And there was no way I could live – I wouldn’t be able to breathe, in fact – without my mom. Knowing what I know now, I hard-wired that grief right into my lungs, because of the emotional charge involved in that event, due to my vivid recall of it.

My EFT session felt like counseling and hypnosis (though I was awake and totally aware of what was happening) as though Janice was talking to me on a deep level. During the session, Janice recommended I take some notes, both of the things I was becoming aware of and how to run through this process again on my own. The following is an account of the written notes I made:

I couldn’t breathe without my mom.
I always had tried to “save my mom.”
I am not my thoughts.
My perception influenced my thoughts but my perceptions were wrong.
The genie is out of the bottle.
I do not need the old thoughts.
Am I the thought or the awareness?
Am I “this” thought, or am I the awareness of “this” thought?
Who sent “this” thought? (My pain body)
Examine “this” thought. It will probably be a limiting thought, a no-win thought, and one that would eventually bring pain.
To let go of “this” thought: 1) focus on the feeling of my breath in and out, 2) be the observing presence.
When I only observe, I suspend space.
Inspiration = In spirit, and inspiration fills me, lights me up from the inside – the same as when someone is in creative mode you feel the creative energy inside, in your heart/chest not in the head area.
The Aha moment is when the head agrees to the inner knowing.
My habit of biting my fingernails = my fear and anxiety linked to my feeling of not being able to fix/help/save my mom.
Something that can trigger asthma in my body is when I face something I can’t do anything about; when I feel a sense of powerlessness.

Through this experience and the many more that followed, I learned we tend to hold fear as a sort of security blanket. I don’t know why, as I think that is the root cause of most of our suffering. And the Buddhists and Taoists believe and teach that also.

This is also a reason I bring up the topic of God and spiritual things in this book. Our beliefs—whether we have hope or not and if we believe this Universe is friendly or not—have a lot to do with how each of us feels bodily.

You may not think fear is the same as a person who is negative all the time, but I would wager that a person who is consistently afraid of this thing or the other, is a person who puts a lot of emphasis on protecting what they think belongs to them. Some might call that kind of person a control freak. They may be a person who lives for “things” and is a pack rat or hoarder. They may also be the kind of person who suffers because of all the things and people to whom they are attached. There’s a lot of healing in letting go, of people, places, and things. And you can’t take any of it with you when you transition (or pass away) from this life to whatever comes next.

The Bible in the book of Philippians has a verse that instructs us to think about whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, excellent, or praiseworthy. And the author of those words, Paul, said that as we think these thoughts the God of peace will be with us. I used to encourage my mother to focus on these things—and during her last two or three years, if not more, she did, because she was always in gratitude during our last visits.

Janice used EFT in a compassionate and caring way. The end result of the two hours for my fingers was every difficulty my mom had ever had, in her marriage, health, etc. I felt as though I needed to help her, or ‘SAVE’ her. Though mom had a very strong faith in Jesus, it was always something I had felt – that I needed to save her. Once we broke this down and got to this deep-seated REASON for my habit, so many other things lifted within my mind and body as well. I can’t say enough wonderful things about EFT. If you think you’ve tried everything to find relief from anxiety, depression, weight issues, nerve problems, etc. I implore you to seek out an EFT therapist in your area. You do not need to “believe in it” for it to work for you. And what do you have to lose?

Over the years, I took the words attributed to Jesus in the Bible about “saving people” to mean, “love people.” For I am not responsible for saving anyone else or even making them happy. However, the cells of my body hold me accountable for making myself happy (it feels good when I align with my Soul) to keep my Temple (Mind and Body), healthy. I can love my enemies, but I don’t have to live with them!

Thus, because I am a super responsible person – I’m supposed to do something. (This is the conflict that causes the habitual negative behavior). And because I have an analytical mind, I often find my thoughts at odds with the evidence-based medicine that is predominantly used in hospitals, as I believe the evidence of healing I’ve experienced is true too—anecdotal experience is real and is true!

I relied on prayer, EFT, breath work, reflexology, and all kinds of alternative methods to calm and help myself think clearly when my husband was in the hospital in October 2022. I was dumbstruck how little the hospital staff communicated with each other, even though they wheeled a computer into the room with them each time! I found myself telling each doctor, intern, resident, specialist, and nurse who came into the room to see my husband most all of the same things because they did not relay the information to each other. Since I am a business analyst in Information Technology by trade the lack of appropriate information handoffs I witnessed was alarming!

p.s. I used to teach EFT at a Wellness clinic in St. Petersburg, Florida and I have lectured on the benefits of EFT at several events. I am planning on offering some general introductory EFT sessions via Zoom if anyone is interested in participating–let me know in the comments.

To buy the new book, Have Yourself a Wholly Vibrant Life, please visit the link: https://amzn.to/44gRvpD

In this magnificent Universe

Omniscience knows ALL. Omniscience is always with you because you are a fractal of Omniscience. You are truly never alone in this ever-expanding Universe.

Be the best version of who you want to be–because if you’re reading my words your soul is probably beckoning you to align with it and live up to your highest ideals. Not perfect because who is perfect? Most stagnate or ‘get stuck’ while on their way to being whatever they think perfection is. Making progress is enough. Carrying your Karma lightly is enough. Be kind to yourself while living responsibly. Who you ARE affects us ALL. We Are All Connected.

The information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

About us

My husband is an award-winning illustrator, plus he’s a seasoned guitarist, bass player, and songwriter (with over 400 original songs). You can view some of his artwork and listen to all of his songs at: http://listen4music.com

Here’s a video of us performing on Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/416711742?ref=fb-share

About me, your Spiral Sister

I would love to speak at your bookstore, crystal shop, acupuncture/chiropractor office, natural health foods store, art fair, music, or yoga festival. I support healthy lifestyle businesses.

I invite you to check out my new metaphysical book–Blue Eyes: Ethereal Messages of Connection. There are two versions (Kindle and paperback) on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3WV68KF

I’m an Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving” available on Amazon. Plus, I documented how I naturally reversed 30+ years of chronic asthma in my holistic health book, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, that’s available on Barnes and Noble with the second edition coming out soon on Amazon.

Connecting…

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/takeonyour

September 27, 2022 Sheila “Spiral Sister” Murrey Art, Mind, Shared posts

hope’s truth

I walk along the streets a desolateand desperate domainfilled with shadowed pain in the alleyways, andalong the riverfront whispers brought …
hope’s truth

May 7, 2017June 28, 2021 Sheila “Spiral Sister” Murrey Connections, Mind

Got Problems? Opposites Attract

Do you have problems?

Some people refuse to accept that we live in an attraction based Universe.

They will use all of the negative, bad, sad, and hurtful things in their experience to prove that the law of attraction is not at work in everyone’s lives.

Law of Attraction

Why does it seem that opposites attract? Takers take too much from givers. Givers give too much and become drained, or sick. Energy vampires SUCK!

No one knows your thoughts. And we each come here, to this life, for a reason. Yes, even the so-called bad things that happen to you happen to guide you to your purpose.

Remember that your thoughts materialize!

Why takers take or why empaths attract takers

For my dear heart adult empaths:

Dear one, oh sweet empath — takers are drawn to you for your light.

For the healing energy of your light.

Just allow them to come.

Allow them to heal.

They will only take the frequencies they need.

They cannot take too much.

They cannot take your higher vibrations because they are not ready for them – they are not a match – no parity.

Keep refilling yourself from the light.

You will be gifted with higher frequencies as you see not what is seemingly being taken from you.

As they cannot take from you, that which you do not have. And you have a never ending, unceasing Limitless supply!

Remember some are larger magnets

Why does it seem that opposites attract? Doesn’t like attract like?

The Universe conspires to order. To balance the energies.

Perhaps it is the strength of the energies that matter?

Example of alignment opposites attract.png

WARNING — You may not want to hear this! — WARNING

In everyday scenarios we explain it thusly —

The narcissist is drawn to the empath’s light. Like a moth to the flame.

My mom used to say, “opposites attract.” But, I don’t know if she observed that AFTER meeting her opposite in my dad, or before (and magnetized him to her.

Allow them to receive the light from you that no other will give to them.

THEY actually know the truth. The truth about dualism and illusion that you fail to see. It’s all about them!

But you are hurt because you do not know that it’s also all about you!

So, you stay in your hurt place, stagnant and seemingly disconnected.

That is YOUR choice.

But separation is illusion. Even if you can’t realize it yet, We Are All Connected.

Yin and Yang.

We are here to achieve balance.

This is why you, my dear and loving hearts, always attract the assholes, liars, thieves, energy vampires, wacky, crazy, bitchy, mean-spirited, which all boil down to the fact that these people are HURTING / suffering. And here they are at your door, looking to you to heal them, help them, make them whole.

Yet, you choose to turn away.

You can.

It’s okay.

But you’ll continue to get more of the same, until you clean up your vibrations.

The point

Oh! Dear ones, you are missing a very big point.

You attract your like kind too, so that you can recharge. But is it not better to come directly to the Limitless, Ever-Living, Filling-All-Space, Creator, Source Energy — the ONE?

Hurt people aren’t of the frequency match to come to Creator.

You are their “step-up”! Perhaps you’ve heard of Jacob’s ladder?

Step up.

Know that all of your hurt is needless. It only separates.

Know that all of your frustration is pointless. It only leads to ill health, pain, suffering.

And pain begets pain.

Focus

All you need focus on is what unifies.

All you need focus on is what uplifts.

All you need focus on is what builds.

All you need focus on is LOVE. Unconditional LOVE.

We told you this in the Be-attitudes and other ancient books.

Just BE

Be still and know.

Love for ALL.

Limitless LOVE.

Love can never die. Love has always has been. And always will be.

You can transmute all disparate energies with LOVE.

Be still and know.

Omnipresence.

Omnipotence.

Omniscient.

Omni-everything.

Yes! OM I-everything.

p.s. Look at how many of your common words contain the OM to bring you back hOMe: wOMan, mOM, abdOMen, accOModate, accOMplish, anatOMy, bloOM, cOMpany, cOMpass, and so on.

A bit about me:

An Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon.

Plus, my holistic health book that details how I naturally reversed asthma, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, is available now. Buy it here.

Be the best version of who you want to be.

Information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

Follow me on Twitter at: TakeOnYourself

March 8, 2016June 28, 2021 Sheila “Spiral Sister” Murrey Connections, Mind, Soul, Spirit

Walking more than a mile in another’s moccasins

Making judgments

My grandmother (of Cherokee Native American Indian descent) often said,

Never judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins.

And apparently, as a child, those words soaked into me and became my mantra. And I became an empath. Or perhaps, I was born an empath and her words resonated with me and validated my nature. Either way, in my experience, being empathic has been like living on both edges of a sword.

Never judge. Until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins

I’ve realized my life’s path has had me walk more than a mile in my mom’s moccasins–and also in my dad’s shoes. And I’m tired. Yet, profoundly grateful I’ve had such a multitude of experiences to learn so much.

No matter how many times I’ve pondered the heartache, the gut-wrenching, soul-shaking, events of my childhood–that I’ve recreated (knowingly or not) in my adult life, with some incredibly outlandish desire to FIX–I eventually cane to a knowing that I can’t fix anyone else. And I’m glad I figured that out before I met my third husband!

No one can fix anyone else.

Just like that old joke,

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb has to want to be changed.

Repeating patterns

Unfortunately, even my children picked up the yoke of this dastardly twisted need to fix others, as they’ve fallen into some of the same relationship woes as I. And fortunately, all of us are in healthy relationships presently! Thank Limitless God we’ve all awakened from the lure of this whole “fixing” trap!

So, why am I writing this piercing note in the middle of the night?

Because I promised my daughter, if I accomplish one thing on this planet while I’m alive this time around, it is to break the “lather, rinse, and repeat” cycle of fixing–for my granddaughters. And all of my writing (both online and in books) is to ultimately leave earth-bound knowledge for my grandchildren. Of course, if any of these words help others, that’s icing on the proverbial cake!

You see, I never knew Divine LOVE, until I held my first granddaughter in my arms. She (Jennifer Ann), means more to me than I could describe.

What can I deduce from this new found comprehension of having walked all of these miles, in my mother’s, and yes, some in my father’s moccasins?

That life’s not been easy. But, it was never my job to work out their issues.

Tempted to complain

My “love of my life” husband and I picked up a saying this past year that goes,

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

And whenever I start to complain about something that doesn’t really belong to me–someone else’s drama–my hubby will pop that quote out to me. I love him so much for bringing things like that to my attention! He knows the empath in me often gets sucked into other’s drama, because I always feel that I can help ease their pain–somehow.

The Universe presented us with that very same phrase while we were enjoying our big outdoor annual Awakening Into The Sun festival! My friend Mary Ann, owner of Awakened Fibers had a handmade wall hanging with the words, “Not my circus, not my monkeys” embroidered on it! How fun!

Not my problem

And as if that wasn’t enough, a few minutes later while visiting with Dr. Alison J. Kay, her assistant, Brenda, told us a new phrase that fully resonated with me. It was,

You’ve heard it said to get your ducks in a row? But, they were never your ducks.

My goodness! What if the stuff I had taken on (for years), all of those “other people’s problems”, were never my ducks? I never needed to get any “ducks” in a row to straighten out my parents issues. Who did I think I was to feel burdened to do that? Ugh! And now you see why I am tired. Tired of carrying the emotional baggage of others–it was never my stuff to carry!

On the upside, I’ve had a successful (nearly thirty year) career (out of the need to walk in my dad’s technical “know-how” shoes). And after wanting a pair of real honest-to-God moccasins for years, I finally got some, and I’ve been wearing them everyday.

Wearing moccasins daily, I feel every pebble under my feet as I walk. And I love that! I’m constantly mindful that each challenge in life is as the grain of sand that produces a pearl in an oyster!

My daily walks provide me with the benefit of grounding daily, and the knowing that the wearing of these moccasins, physically brings my grandmother’s saying directly into my body—making her words experiential—instead of it just hanging around in my head like some mystical cloud.

So, yes, there are always positives. I know this. Why does it have to take some of us so long to figure things out?

Oh, because we’re programmed as children. Culturally, socially, and if you were raised in a religious faith, you (and I) were programmed. I’m glad I figured that out!

Cut the cords

Now, energetically at least, I’ve cut the cord of all of this for my granddaughters.

Here and now I state, my grandchildren will not have to take any historical family burdens upon themselves. They can be self-filled. Self-motivated. They can help others as they choose. Free spirits! They can care for themselves first, without guilt. They can choose to do what they love! They do not have to repeat the sins of their parents, or of mine. They do not need to try and figure anything out. The past is the past and it is abSOULutely done.

I have broken this chain of fools.

Be here now. ❤️🦋🌀🙏☀️🌱

A bit about me:

An Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon.

Plus, my holistic health book that details how I naturally reversed asthma, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, is available now. Buy it here.

Be the best version of who you want to be.

Information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

Follow me on Twitter at: TakeOnYourself

October 24, 2015June 28, 2021 Sheila “Spiral Sister” Murrey Connections, Mind, Spirit

Playing the “blame game” – climbing the emotional guidance ladder to a better feeling place

Playing the blame (guilt) game, ugh! But, I am where I am (as Abraham says) so, it’s gotta be okay. I am where I am in the middle of dis-ease, or grief, or shame, or self-loathing, or x-y-z, but, I am where I am and it’s okay. Why is it okay? Because I am where I am and I’ve got no other choice. Except to consciously take steps to improve my feelings, and reach a better feeling place. I want to feel better. I know it’s possible, but in “this moment”, my “now”, I am where I am!

I thought it might help me (and maybe others reading this who unfortunately fall into grief and despair), if I write down a couple of ways I worked through my pain over putting my beloved (almost 14 year old) best furry friend, Lou-Lou’s Beau “down”. (By the way, why the hell do they call it “putting him/her down” anyway? I think it should be “released” because my intention was to release him from his pain! Ugh!

I also do EFT tapping using these statements which, helps to calm me and provide emotional relief. So here we go. Abraham (from the book, “Ask and It Is Given” state there are 22 groups of emotions one can be in, in any point in time. #22 is the lowest vibration, the bottom of the list. The lowest of the lows. So that’s where I start. Not to wallow, but you gotta start somewhere and that’s where I was the day I let Beau “go”.

The intention of “Ask and It Is Given” is to help us locate where we are, what state we’re in emotionally, at any given point, and move UP to a better feeling place on the list. The following are my words, using their numbering scale. I am not plagiarizing – but if you follow their list, you’ll see where I’m getting the terms from. Also, this is going to take awhile, so you may want to check back in a week or so to see how I’m doing, as my intention is to climb the emotional guidance ladder to a better feeling place.

22) I can find all kinds of reasons to feel guilty at this point (and I am talking “to” Beau at this point):

I could have researched more about your eye problem;
I could have had your eye removed;
I could have changed my mind, at any point, during the last year and a half regarding, “no more surgery” on you, after you had the kidney / bladder stone surgery.
Stupid insensitive me held a belief, for some reason, that you shouldn’t have any more surgeries. Why?!? That was a limiting belief! Ugh!
I was so afraid you couldn’t take another surgery. You’re older, you aren’t strong enough (Who the hell am I to judge that?)
I’ve bought other things this year that I could have spent that money on you instead. You were much more important to me!!
I could have spent every waking moment with you, instead of going shopping, or going to a class, or working! (Okay, really?)
I miss you so much! I hurt because you are not here! I miss holding you, caring for your eyes, taking you to the groomer, feeding you, and walking with you!
You were powerless and I feel horrible that you tried to tell me what to do but I didn’t listen, didn’t realize when you face planted off the couch that you were trying to pop your own eye out to relieve your pain and heal your body! Ugh?
I am in despair that I now have learned that I could have asked one of your previous veterinarian’s to remove your eye! Actually none suggested that to me or we would have done that with the first eye then maybe the second eye would never had gone bad!!
What is the point of living this life when everything / everyone dies eventually?!? This is depressing!
My mom loved you (and Lou-Lou) so much too! She didn’t get to say good-bye to you! Waaaaa!!

21) I am feeling so unworthy of all the trust you placed in me to care for you.

Unworthy of your unconditional love!!! Gasp!
I feel such guilt for not doing ALL I could have for you!
My ignorance should be no excuse!!

20) I am jealous that the neighbor’s dog is probably older than you, but he’s still around!

He seems to be doing fine.
Oh, but he’s a mixed breed.
I never get jealous… but I am in this moment!
Others around us, they seem to be able to “go on living” without any thought about what we’re going through! The nerve! (I know, emotions are not logical!)

19) I feel anger at myself for not doing more! But, how much more could I “really” do?

Anger at the doctors, especially that opthamologist we saw a year a a half ago for not offering the eye removal option!!
They just wanted me to keep bringing you back to them every three months for a refill script / recheck for a compounded eye drop that you’d supposedly need every day of your life (mail order available only from NJ!!). Such bullshit!!

19) I am discouraged that other people and doggies have to go through this trauma too!!

What discourages me is the inevitability of it all!
Why live this life if it’s all so futile?
Look how adorable both you (and Lou-Lou) were back in the day (2008) with my mom!

18) I don’t feel revenge – yet.

Wait, perhaps I do! I think I understand the revenge thing now. I feel that for myself. So, anger turned outward is revenge or spite. But, anger turned INWARD is depression, guilt, or self-loathing.

17) I am angry at myself for not being more bold on your behalf! But, I know you couldn’t live in your physical body forever. Ugh! This anger really feels strong in my body. I think yes, anger turned inward, to myself, causes depression, sadness, and pain.

16) I am discouraged.

I am disheartened that you suffered needlessly for months, (Gasp!) God forbid, more than a year!!
I am utterly discouraged with some of the veterinarian’s we went to over the years.
What about the guy who told me you just had “old doggy eye”. Jesus! Was he for real?
Then the next doctor, who I really liked, when I told him what the previous doctor had said, did not disagree with him, but did suggest more medications for you. And that I should take you to an opthamologist, which I did.
I am discouraged for others, that they’ll have to find a way, and figure this stuff out – even while their doggies (or cats) suffer needlessly. Why can’t we just “know” it all? Why can’t we go to one person, Google it, or read a book to find out?
Why all of this time seemingly wasted on the “trying” to figure it out?

15) I blame myself for your pain.

I will never trust myself to ever have another pet.
I am horrible! Besides, I could never replace YOU!
You were my best boy and best doggy EVER. Period!
This is the worst ever feeling!
I am so sorry Beau!!!
I trusted professionals to help (oh, maybe now I feel vengeful?) the experts should have given us the option a year ago to have your eye removed!

14) I am worried if I did the right thing in “releasing” you.

My adult children (thank you sweet ones) have comforted me, saying I did, but I have all of these questions racing through my mind. Angst!
I almost never worry, but I am holding my worry finger (as I learned in Jin Shin Jyutsu) so I must be worried.
I feel the need to harmonize my worry over your suffering.
You almost never showed discomfort! But that didn’t mean you didn’t feel discomfort! Oh Beau! My best boy!

13) Doubt. Didn’t what I just say, show how much doubt I am in? Doubt and worry seem so tightly joined!

I doubt that I did the right thing (releasing you from your physical body), and then I doubt that I waited too long to do it!
I can’t make up my mind at all when I am in doubt.
I am mentally running to and fro!
This is sickening!
I cannot allow myself to stay in doubt for too long. I will make my stomach upset. I will make myself crazy… okay I might already be on “that train”. Hmmm
I doubt that I’ll get “your” ashes back, and what would I do with them anyway?
I doubt that your physical remains will comfort me. I took a lock of your fur – that comforts me a little.
I doubt I’m going to feel any better today.

12) I am so ridiculously disappointed in myself.

I should have known better, and not stopped researching until I totally resolved your eye issues.

Why? Because I recall a dog trainer I had taken Lou-Lou to for several weeks, years ago told me, “The dog is this tall, but you are this tall! You can see things and make the choice to avoid them!” Truer words have never been spoken. Even if you are five feet tall, you are taller than your dog and can navigate them through life.

11) I am overwhelmed by sadness.

I seem to cry at the drop of a hat.
I look at your picture on my desk at work, and I cry.
I start to talk about you to someone, and I cry.
But I am starting to see that sometimes, I don’t cry.
And that makes me know that I am definitely reaching, trying to find, a better feeling place – even if just for a few seconds or minutes in between thoughts of you.
Thoughts of missing you so very much.
I was overwhelmed with responsibilities and did not place you in a higher priority of concern.
I am overwhelmed by the love and support of my family and friends during this time (though I do not feel deserving of it).

10) I am frustrated and irritated with the way I handled, or failed to appropriately handle my grief. Okay though, that’s one reason I am working through the emotions via this blog.

Oh, a few people attempted to encourage me out of my sadness, but yes, that just irritated me more!

9) I guess I am being quite pessimistic right now, never wanting another pet.

8) I sense boredom is around the corner for me.

But wait, I’ve got a ton of pictures of you that I can share. And I found where I had made a Daily Puppy page for you years ago — HERE.

And, the author of a book I am editing offered me her sincere words of compassion when she emailed me:

“Your beautiful and precious dog will be by your side forever more.” Thank you my dear, Lela Starseed.

7) Will I ever feel content again? You used to make me feel content when you would lay on the couch with me!

6) Will I ever feel hopeful again? I hope you are running, jumping, and playing in your Spirit ethereal body that is whole and new!!

On the day of your release, our new vet told me that you’d meet Lou-Lou again at the Rainbow Bridge (and we laughed for a moment, that you may not want to!) then I said, “Beau, look for your tall white dog friend!”
A couple days later, I’m calling in my family who passed, to find you.
I remember when I was a child, other kids would say, “don’t have a pity party”, during times when I displayed sadness. I also know self pity can be self destructive. How can we balance all of these feelings, when Recovery groups tell us we must allow ourselves to “feel our feelings”?
I know I need to move out of, rise above, the feelings of sadness about Beau.
I am hopeful that as, We Are All Connected, you have reconnected with my family who loved you too! Oh… this is how I can reach for hopeful feelings! This is hope!

5) Everything I have learned about ‘life after death’ tells me, ANYTHING is possible!

I can feel optimism for you when I visualize you with a big white dog!
Was it an English Setter that you fell so in love with?
I have been researching this, and asking others, because I am still trying to pull myself, consciously, up this list (to feel better)!

4) I am attempting to reach for thoughts of positive expectation, to believe you live on – somewhere.

While visualizing you crossing over the Rainbow Bridge, I see you dancing for a big white dog!
Perhaps, you’re even frolicking!?!
I focus on the fact that you’re no longer suffering.
I know you’re out of pain.

3) Oh, how in the world can I be happy? How can I feel enthusiasm / eagerness again – about anything?

I know that “life goes on”. I don’t like it, so now, I’m back to #9.
I know the emotional guidance system is not linear. I will go up and down this ladder many times over – for as long as it takes.
I know you’re out of pain.

2) I know passion is out there. In my future.

I remember the passion I had when you first came into my life. How small you were!
I remember sweetly, what it felt like to nurture, train, feed, bathe, and care for you.

1) I know joy is out there. In my future, I will remember how much joy you brought me. Those memories will have to sustain me, because you’re no longer here! Sniff!!! Tear. I miss you so very much! But somehow, I will smile again when I think of you. Someday, I will smile and not get a tear in my eye.

Because I will ALWAYS appreciate having had you in my life.
Because I know how to empower myself, to reach for better feeling thoughts, via multiple emotional healing modalities – yes, even at the lowest of times.
Because I know you’re FREE! You’re experiencing FREEDOM. Oh, sweet ultimate freedom!
I am grateful, so beautifully grateful, to have experienced your love, and to have loved you!
Beau came to show me that Lou-Lou loved me unconditionally too, but in a different way. She just expressed unconditional love differently than him!
Remembering the wonderful way my beautiful granddaughter would say, “Awe!” When I would lift Beau to the camera to say hello to her when we would Google Hangout or Skype. She would say that with such a compassionate voice, just like she knew how he was feeling, or just because as a child, she loves furry creatures. I don’t know, but it warms my heart to recall how she said it.
Talking with a friend and relating a memory about a time when we were walking and someone yelled at me to get Beau away from their grass, I looked up at the sky and exclaimed, “thank you Beau! I will never have to go through that again!”
All of this knowledge, it is helping me to feel better. And I am open to receive more knowledge.

UPDATE 25-Oct-2015: Just when I had begun, and I do mean “begun” to feel I’d worked through all of my feelings (figured out how to get all the way to number one on the emotional guidance scale… I slid right back down to #15 (at least) and started crying when my beautiful little four year old granddaughter asked to “see Beau” while we were on video conference tonight! Damn, where was my emotional balance that had begun to feel better? It all went to shit, and fast. I had to jump right back on here and read my list again!!

UPDATE 27-Oct-2015: My wonderfully supportive husband put a big picture of you (Beau) on our iMac desktop. When I sat down at the computer and touched it, lighting up the desktop to reveal your picture, I gasped, “Oh, Beau!” and then, “Oh, thank you hubby! What beautiful thing to do!” It was this close-up of Beau taken about six or seven years ago. He was in perfect health! But, I started to cry…

UPDATE 28-Oct-2015: I don’t know what happened. But, when I came home from work today (after having my Pilates workout), I signed onto the computer, saw Beau’s close-up picture and I smiled! Yes, finally! It’s been a week now after his passing and I can actually smile and think of GOOD memories when I see his picture. This is wonderful progress back to my normal emotionally balanced set point. We went to dinner also, and I was able to show the picture I took of the computer desktop, 1) to give my husband props for doing this, and 2) to show off Beau. He’s such a cutie. I was able to talk about him and not cry. I still miss him, and yes, I catch some emotion in my throat when I go to plug my phone in, near where his water bowl was, but I am letting go of the overwhelming emotions.

A week later I still cry when I look at his picture (not every time, but often). So, why? Because I miss him!

I still feel guilt about not doing more sooner to alleviate his infection / illness. (even guilt about perhaps I should have put him down sooner!)

I could allow myself to feel guilty about EVERYTHING to do with his ill health but, in reality, I know I tried. As my kids and I have discussed many times, we can only do the best we can about anything at any given time based on the information we understand at the time.

I must give myself a break.

UPDATE 1-Nov-2015: I updated this post with pictures of Beau. After meditating yesterday, doing a journeying process at Alania’s studio, I am, just this morning, able to go through all of the pictures and videos I have of Beau (and Lou-Lou) and find special ones to share — without crying. I am finally, now, at a point where I have some emotional balance about everything that happened. All of the good, the utter joy of having Beau in my life, and the not-so-good stressful times… during his ills.

I wrote a eulogy for Beau, a little at a time, during the ‘decision’ time. I shared it on Facebook then, but not here — until now. This is the link to it — HERE.

UPDATE 7-Nov-2015: My dad and mom have a mixed breed who had puppies three months ago. When we visited, my dad really wanted me to have one of the three puppies. I just couldn’t do it. Too many reasons. One, it was just too soon. And two, I still don’t know if I ever want another. But, I know it might be the last gift my parents are able to give me. Ugh! And yes, the puppies are oh, so cute! There is a black, brown, and reddish colored one – she’s the smallest. Adorable! Almost a Yorkie. Then a snow white one, a bit bigger. She’s also a girl. What a princess. All of their personalities are similar to Beau’s. Quite docile. Then a beige or light golden boy. He is the largest of the three, just a bit smaller than his mom and all three are three months old. How much bigger will they get? My son put an ad on Craig’s list. We sat there all afternoon meeting with would be “parents”. One young man took Princess home, bathed her, only to return her awhile later. His girlfriend did not agree in their having a second dog. But awhile later, she was adopted by another young couple. We were glad to be able to meet and visit with each adopting couple, so we knew they were going to good homes. The next morning, after I left, my son let me know the third, the golden boy, was also adopted by an older married couple. Ah! Because when I had left he was giving me those “eyes” like,
Why aren’t you taking me?” — that broke my heart.

At any rate, that day, I talked with my dad and he said the mommy, Sunday, was still crying and looking for her puppies. Had they waited too long to let the puppies go?

UPDATE 10-Nov-2015: Dad called me and was still upset about all the puppies being gone and said Sunday is still crying for them. I am at a loss except that I think perhaps I should send Sunday a nice stuffed animal to have. I also researched and found that when we (the people) are still upset, the dogs will pick up on our feelings and display similar emotions.

UPDATE 11-Nov-2015: I Google Hangout with my granddaughter and show her my two stuffed doggies that my husband bought me years ago, that resemble our Beau (and Lou-Lou). She seemed really happy that I had them, and she accepted my short story about Beau crossing the Rainbow bridge and being healthy and happy now. And that he had left us these “replicas” of them for us to remember them by. I still have my moments when I cry. But, I know that in the big scheme of things, that’s okay.

So, yes this has all definitely been a process. The goal was to be able to reach for any of the thoughts higher than #11 I guess, in order to be in a so-so kind of minimum good feeling place about Beau not being here anymore. Obviously, being at #1 or #2 all the time (about his not being here in the physical realm) was something, at that time, I never thought could happen. But, some of those thoughts, along with most of the thoughts being in the good feeling range, eventually helped me overcome the feeling of wanting to burst into tears when anyone asked about him, or when I would see another Shih-Tzu that looks like him, etc.

I have talked with others who have told me they still cry, years later, about the loss of their pet. And as an empath, I feel very deeply. I knew if I could figure out a way, or at least, “allow” myself the space to exist where I could attempt to feel better, it would help me, emotionally. Holding onto hurt, loss, guilt, grief, and all of those painful feelings can cause dis-ease in the body (which, I want to avoid if possible).

I hope others can benefit (at least a little bit) from my process. Love and many blessings to all (furry and human).

A bit about me:

An Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon.

Plus, my holistic health book that details how I naturally reversed asthma, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, is available now. Buy it here.

Be the best version of who you want to be.

Information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

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