I’ve heard it said, “you’re either growing or dying” and that, “the universe is either expanding or shrinking.” If that is true, then it seems to acknowledge that everything in life, all there is around us, is dynamic – nothing is static.
In a previous post, I wrote that, “We grow as blades of grass, up through the earth.” And that “dirt, or earth, is analogous to all of the resistance we encounter.” These thoughts were instigated years ago, when a coworker encouraged me with the phrase, “Bloom where you are planted.” Oh how right she was!
At that time, I felt constant irritation from a superior when he would casually walk by my desk and tell me to smile – while I was working! Being the studious and serious type, smiling while concentrating on work tasks was something I just didn’t do. The more he admonished me to smile, the more aggravated I became. In passing, I must have mentioned my exasperation one day to my friend, when she lavished me with that golden nugget of truth – about the blooming. I even remember thinking of a response to her – likened to – “yes, no matter how much fertilizer is put upon you!” (but I didn’t tell her).
Day in and day out, I would notice people around me laughing, chatting, and cutting up during the day, but I wasn’t.
I am an empath. I am a highly sensitive person (HSP). I feel lots of things very strongly.
I have discovered that I become resentful when things aren’t fair or balanced.
While working in an office, I recall thinking, “we’re here to work” and “we’re here to earn our pay.” Why was I always the one to feel so determined! I was always applying effort. The pitfalls of continually wanting to do my best, try hard, people-please, and succeed, yada, yada. But at what cost to my Self?
Realizing I was wallowing in resistance, I knew I had to climb out of it, or it would bury me. A seed pushes against dirt in order to grow, but I felt as though I was pushing against me, not growing, but receding! Plants, indeed everything in the living kingdom need the resistance in order to grow, and grow strong.
One day I learned what hell meant. Out in the garden we can hell for potatoes, as in “we’re sweating out here helling for potatoes.” Hell is just “the ground”, or “the dirt.” It never was meant to be some fearful place of oppression or torment. So, my thoughts of “this is hell” was the only thing that kept me disturbed. And I lacked the knowledge, at the time, of how to climb up out of the grave (of the frustrating job) up the slippery walls of resistance and into freedom.
Eventually, as other factors contributed, I left the job.
Years later, during a time of fasting, those years of struggle came to mind, but with softness and thanksgiving, the resentment fading. Not only had I learned more about myself, but as a body builder strengthens muscles from lifting weights, I had grown emotional muscles, in fact “blooming“, from what I had perceived as resistance!
I distinctly remembered the day I had begun saying to myself (about my boss), “Thank you for helping me to make a better decision” – whenever I’d felt picked on or taken advantage of (to do more work). I couldn’t change whether or not I was picked on, but I could have changed my reaction to it! And it had always been my choice – whether I was willing or able to know it then or not – as to how much work I was willing to take on.
All the feelings I’d felt were solely based on my perception and may not have been entirely accurate, as one can never really see things from all sides anyway.
Looking back, I saw where I had resisted quite a few things during that time, which is probably why I felt harried and stressed. Oh, had I just learned to “go with the flow” sooner, I could have smiled and experienced joy.
I’ve learned, we didn’t come into this life for the struggle. Life will go on without us after we’re gone. Whether we leave a company, end a marriage, or die. Nothing’s static, everything changes.
Now? I’m learning to let go and breathe. Get more play into each day. My former superior might be happy to know that once in awhile, even if I’m troubleshooting something, I smile and “in – joy” doing whatever it is I’m attempting to do. I wish for you the same.
See ya on the flip-side dynamic good buddy.
Life’s a thrill, hang on and enjoy the ride!