These are the kind of things many of us experience. I just happen to keep a diary of notes.
In my pages regarding, TIME I found these:
May 26th, 2015
I said goodbye to my granddaughter, Jennie.
It was in this moment that I uncovered one of my first limiting beliefs.
I’d said, “grandma has to work” as I kissed Jennie’s face, arm and leg and said I will see you in two months when mommy brings you to WV.
But Jennie looked me in the eyes with such intent and said, “Come with us grand-ma” (yes, grand ma in two words). And it broke my heart because I also wanted to go with them. And as I said “Grandma has to work” it resonated deep within my body. Ugh!I I don’t want to have to work AND I never again want to shut the car door for her and let her leave like that.
I told her, “Jennie, you have more places to go and other people to see on your adventure.” But, I wanted to really mean it, without feeling so much energetic pull to “not let her go”!
That was six years ago (as of this writing), and Jennie has called herself by her full first name, Jennifer, for several years. They grow up so fast!
I’ve only seen Jennifer a few times since then (annually on average, except 2020-2021 when we chose not to travel due to COVID and never knowing when interstate travel could be shutdown).
I also have twin granddaughters I’d love to hug and hold before they start preschool in a couple months. Not seeing them two years in a row makes me feel awful! I have missed sooo much!!
May 26th is also my son’s birthday, so I bet that had me feeling a bit more emotion (simply from the standpoint of always celebrating it with him).
I recognize my children and granddaughters have their own lives, and tell myself this often to tamp down my negative emotions and contain the sadness I feel (for not living near them or seeing them as often as I would love).
March 18th, 2016
“And birth is only the beginning. It is overwhelming sometimes to ponder how courageous and brave it is of each soul to agree to this carnal ride.
Oh, how bumpy and bizarre this ride! How curious this journey of becoming human. How mysterious and magical to be in a living, changing, growing, wonderful body!
As an adult, we think we’re big enough, strong, and tough enough to survive, but we know the body and mind are fragile too.
Imagine when we are in the womb, how fragile, delicate, and vulnerable we are. Oh, how indescribable it must be!
So, let us all pray and meditate daily about how grateful we are to have been born–to be here!
We are able to live, move, and have our being, while not every soul who desires and strives to be here, makes it.
And lets be kind to our bodies, our children, and each other. For we are all blessed to be here, and IN Joy relish the time we have on this magnificent planet.
Amen. Namaste. OM – Sheila Murrey
5 years later, on March 18th, 2021 I had an Aha moment about the preceding paragraph when I was going through about 500 writing “Notes” that I had on my iPhone (because yes, I write a LOT, I just don’t publish often due to my job and other commitments).
The Aha was realizing (seeing with REAL EYES), that I’d written that paragraph 3 years BEFORE my dad passed/crossed over, transitioned, or had his “Celebration Day” to the Grand Beyond, and on the DATE that he and I had planned to meet each other, which is another story in and of itself.
February 20th, 2017
Oh! One of the things I hate, is wasting TIME… and I feel like a lot of time has been wasted since Feb. 2020. But, here’s a list of things I was working on to find balance / forgiveness about in 2017:
- Liars, manipulators, narcissists
- DuPont, Monsanto/Bayer, Big Pharma
- Big Oil, Fracking (use solar, wind, geothermal instead!! We do!)
- Deforestation unless you are replanting trees — use bamboo instead!!
- Rayon (grandmother poisoned by Viscose factory – they sold out to avoid lawsuits in the 60s/70s)
- Polyester, Nylon, Patent leather.
- Plastic (though some BPA free kinds are helpful when camping) (Stop using / stop buying new plastic. Clean up beaches. Watch the film Sonic Sea.)
I began to daily recognize that shit is a necessary fertilizer by which we grow, though it smells and I don’t always like it.
When any of these people, places, or circumstances come my way, I let it go as best I can to Limitless Omniscience God, and forgive them, as they know not what they do.
I hold compassion for my imperfect self, because my reactive mind, sometimes, feels PTSD type sensations.
So, I must feel and own my feelings. And respond somewhat harshly in the moment to be heard, based on the environment I’m in. I don’t always quickly access my intellect, and I understand why (amygdala response).
There are only 3 ways to resolve any problem:
Accept it, Change it, or Avoid it.
When we visit in person again
I’ll show my granddaughters Qigong forms.
I’ll kiss their Third Eye.
I’ll teach them EFT – Tapping. And some spiral energy medicine.
And I’ll teach them how to appreciate our time together vs. feeling sad or upset that our time together feels so short.
We’ll play in the clothes I took to them from my mom (that my mom had saved in my grandmother’s cedar closet), and explain how they can wear them when they are teenagers.
And we’ll go to the Chaos and Kindness store and to Art Escape.
We will paint together and make things.
We’ll bounce on their trampoline together too! And we’ll camp, snuggle, color, and make jewelry together. 😉
We will cherish each moment of Presence.
We will figure out a way to bottle the smell of their hair. Because that’s one of the things I miss the most about not being with them. ❤️🦋🌀〰️
Why are we living during this challenging time?
For anyone wondering why they are living during this time,
“Did you think the Creator would create unnecessary people in a time of such terrible danger?”
Know that you yourself are essential to this world. Understand both the blessing and the burden of that. You yourself are desperately needed to save the soul of this world.
Did you think you were put here for something less?
In a Sacred Hoop of Life, there is no beginning and no ending.
Each of us is important and have a mission. Much love! ❤️
Many blessings to you in ALL ways. ❤️🦋🌀〰️
A bit about me, your Spiral Sister
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