While my son and I helped dad pack things up, after my dad was mentally and emotionally able to sell the property and mobile home in south Florida where we’d first landed after relocating in 1985 from West Virginia, I found several things that answered some questions I’d had for many years.
Along with several diary pages that mom had written in the 1960s and 1970s, I found an unsigned letter to her that made me question which is more important taking advice from family or from friends.
The statement in the letter that got me was, “I’m disappointed in you that you feel that your friends understand you better than your family (and me).”
Who wrote it?
I have an idea of who the letter is from, but I am not sure. It was typed, single spaced on one sheet of paper.
As of this moment, it doesn’t matter to me who wrote the letter.
I will say that it ended on what I would consider to be a positive note, though still preachy.
“Don’t continually think about what is in your past. Let’s live for the future.”
Now, as for me, “I’ve had my share of sad kicks in my face, but I have come through” (to quote from one of my favorite Queen songs, We Are The Champions).
I haven’t cried much in the last year since mom passed, mostly because I still communicate with her in subtle ways, and I am keenly aware of her continuation in my life by occurring synchronicities.
Yet, today, I cried.
I had meditated and upon coming out of meditation, I was filled with emotion. I cried and spoke the following aloud:
Family reflect who we were; friends reflect who we are.
Family reflect who we once were, or who we were in the past. But, our friends reflect who we are now, who we’ve become, and how much we’ve grown (or not). That’s why we sometimes tend to love our friends more than our family. Yet, some of us (like me), who are very blessed, have family we are also friends with and who we want to spend eternity with. Time limits us, but thankfully (Thank you, God), that eternity is not limited.
Here’s something that’s true for most of us. We’re stuck in a box, or bottle. Even if its clear.
The box or bottle I’m referring to? The fences (rules) of religion—even when religion supposedly isn’t involved.
From a dream
Dream: Mom was reminding me about all the notations she had made in her Bible about “No gossip”, and “not to gossip.”
And that’s because all learning must be Experiential learning—coming from direct experience, which is also why Jesus said let thy speech be yay or nay. He knew that we can never really know the truth of another.
Someone may try to warn you of another. But we all experience each other differently because who we are in any given moment, elicits something different from the person. Many times we’ve experienced this. It’s the situation when one divorced person marries another and they get along gloriously. The “bad” partner may get along with another just fine.
Each of us experience life differently. We just can never fully know someone. People lie. People pretend.
I think most of us want to put our best self forward—but, for most this involves wearing a kind of mask. Call it the mask of pretense. It’s the face of kindness, compassion, peace, or love, while inside ourselves we feel anger, resentment, sadness, jealousy, or regret.
I miss you mama. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me everything I needed to know (when you could barely talk anymore), by looking in my eyes and placing your hand on the side of my face. And for always living in utter GRATITUDE the last years of your life (though your surroundings were not as you once would have wanted). You came to a place of not knowing or of acceptance, it doesn’t matter which, because you were grateful. You became Grace.
I only cry because I never got to tell you how much I got that lesson, how deeply I learned that last lesson from you. I continue forward, with understanding.
Nothing really matters, or everything matters. Each of us get to choose. Who do you love?
We Are All Connected. OM
Many blessings to you in ALL ways.
UPDATE: I found the rest of the letter, and it was NOT from whom I had thought! And the rest of it brought the earlier statements into balance with love and grace, so I have learned another lesson. I continue to feel Gratitude. Tears! 😭
A bit about me:
Check out this original song, Didn’t I Tell You. My husband wrote this song and it was performed and recorded in a Nashville, TN studio. You can download it (it’s Track 6) from this link: https://store.cdbaby.com/cd/chevyfordb2
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