My emotions are not your responsibility

You say you love me but hardly have 5 minutes for me after driving 1000 miles for all of us to be together. ((UPDATE: I got my 5 minutes!!! And yes, no drama, no “stuffing” of emotions, and no MANIPULATION! I simply worked through my emotions, wrote this article—turning my “pain” into Art—and then breathed and “Allowed” ALL to simply, BE. And it worked out even better than I could have asked for, with MORE time and much more hugs and happy faces all around.))

Or maybe it’s more about your friends?

And that’s okay. As I know friends are family who we have chosen.

But why did you feel the need to point out the things I did that didn’t suit you?

I didn’t hear something you said, I moved towels in the bag you had expertly folded (which I apologized for), while trying to find something for someone else (being helpful) in the bag? Later, you said you spent time putting the towels in the bag in an orderly fashion, so I knew my action triggered you. Again, I am sorry I didn’t consider that.

You poke the bear. Nit-picking at me. Not appreciating me. I have improved and can “take” a lot, but eventually I break too. We are both “sensitive.”

Don’t you know your words matter to me?

Sunrise. Daytona Beach Shores

You have made comments to me which seem to be “put downs.” Maybe unintentionally.

I don’t think you have complimented me in any way. I don’t need you to lavish me with compliments (I’m not a narcissist). But once in a while it is nice to be appreciated. ((UPDATE: Thank you for telling me “Thank you so much” as we hugged goodbye. I love you too!!))

I can’t seem to be trusted or able to do anything right.

Can you give me credit for doing the best that I can?

I had been working my processes and letting the comments pass over me without tears, until the last one (yesterday). That I should have kept my mouth shut. It triggered me. It embarrassed me (though it shouldn’t have, as we don’t need to people-please). I don’t think you meant to be hurtful, but it sounded quite rude to me. So, I wanted to leave (the outing) and not return.

It seems your friends matter more to you, than me. And I love that you love your friends. But I would also like to matter. Otherwise, I don’t feel wanted.

I may be gone before your friends are (though I think we all know now, life is short).

I spent a fortune to come see you, but I don’t know if you know that.

And supposedly you love me more.

I haven’t felt very respected or wanted. (Again because we have not spent even 5 uninterrupted minutes together in 5 days, and when I did come to sit and talk with you at the beach, you seemed to need to relax and not talk). And that’s okay. I didn’t want to force anything.

But I would have simply loved to have had a talk (without being made to feel I couldn’t say or do something right).

I guess this is why people spend more time at work.

Because we aren’t celebrated when we do take time to be with family.

Why is it the ones we love and the ones who say they love us, act unkind when (they say) kindness is important to them?

No wonder people spend more time at work.

They want to go where they are celebrated, not tolerated.

I did my EFT Tapping and realized why I got upset (finally, after about the 5th time something you said felt disrespectful), to become aware of these things.

I don’t expect you’ll read this. That’s not the point anyway.

The point is, my emotions are not your responsibility.

Though I am sad, I will mind my Energy and make different decisions.

I am glad you are your own person. And it isn’t my Ego that is hurt. I know I am not perfect, nor have I ever needed to be perfect. And I don’t expect you to be perfect either.

I will extend you that kindness.

I am still learning. Working my processes. Thank you for giving me more to chew on. Heal more layers. I love you!

The house that Sheila built

House of lives

The house that Sheila built is not a house in the physical sense, but a house of Connected Persons. Persons who are Connected to me spiritually and soulfully. These are people who are of the utmost importance to me. The VIPs of my life!

Perhaps this is a sort of moral inventory I am making here, but as a store has inventory, my “house” is made up of all the dear people I have had the immense pleasure to know.

As an only child, I am humbled and surprised at the number of incredible people who have and continue to walk the road of life with me. Hmm, what a thought!

Husband

I’ve heard it said that as we age, friendship with our spouse, or significant other, is more important than physical attraction (or sex). I agree.

If you are lucky enough to meet and marry your soulmate, then there’s that. And it’s really beautiful if you can bring as much happiness to this person as you do for yourself.

My husband, Richard, is truly my soulmate and “love of my life.” ❤️🙏😘

My first two marriages ended badly, and while I learned life lessons from both relationships, I regret the hurt and pain. I can’t turn back time. And for my part, and yes, each person owns some of the responsibility of failing in those situations (no one is really better than another when it comes right down to it), but for some, that takes years to see. Thus, I am sorry. I thought I did my best, but we can’t see what we can’t SEE.

Children and grandchildren

It takes children to make grandchildren. Thus, it seems I should speak of my own children next, but no. Reason being, I wasn’t as mindful or “aware” of the profound soul Connection I had to my children when they were young.

So, let me tell you about the deep soul Connection I have with my eldest granddaughter, Jennifer Ann. My relationship with her best represents how nuanced and intricately interlaced ALL of our Connections are (though for the most part, unacknowledged).

My story with Jennifer goes back 10 years…

I was working in Boca Raton, Florida. I still remember taking my cell phone outside and walking up and down the hall while breathing with my daughter while she was in labor with Jennifer. I missed Jennifer’s actual birth, but treasure my memories of helping my daughter with her childbirth breathwork (eventually, Jennifer had to be born via C-section).

Anyway, as soon as I could, I took a few days off and flew to Connecticut, so I could comfort my daughter and meet my new granddaughter. Oh, she was an indescribable JOY to hold!

Throughout my visit, I observed (and felt) the spiritual Connection between Jennifer and myself. I explained the experience in my book as follows:

When I held Jennifer, I felt an immense resonance – truly representative of “Unconditional Love and LIMITLESS Source Energy.”

I spoke these words to Jennifer, “I know who you are. You are pure positive Source Energy.” At the precise moment the word “energy” left my lips, Jennifer whipped her head around – so much so that it surprised me – and looked me straight in the eye! The look she gave me as our eyes met seemed to ask, “How did you know”?

Excerpt from:
Murrey, Sheila. “Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life!” Apple Books.
This material may be protected by copyright.

Years later, when my twin granddaughters were born, I flew to New Hampshire, but this trip north challenged me to drive in the snow and ice over an hour from the airport to the hospital. I’d do it all over again though, as to stay in the hospital with my daughter and her girls the first 3 days of their lives was a priceless experience!

While holding my twin granddaughters those first days, I felt the nearly indescribable love and soul Connection with each of them that I’d felt (and continue to feel), with Jennifer.

At the end of one of my visits, I had instinctively swirled my fingers towards both girls in an energetic spiral manner, and both Jaclyn and Jewel had loved it. (Later I realized my dad had done this, so my spinning my index finger in circles wasn’t “instinct,” it was learned and fixed in my subconscious!)

On a subsequent visit, one of the twins, Jewel, had began twisting and twirling a lock of her hair. At that moment, however subconsciously, I believe Integrated Spiral was birthed.

I didn’t acknowledge or realize my previous spiral energy actions had made any influence on the girls until Jewel began twirling her hair.

I thought about the times when my two children were babies and my dad had swirled his finger towards their bellies and said, “bory bory” (we still don’t know why or what it means), and they would gleefully coo! Children are sooo easily mesmerized!

Coming back around full circle to my children, I love my daughter and son dearly. I cannot imagine who I’d be, or even if I would still be alive at this point, had they not come into my life when they did. I grew up in multitudinous ways with them. ❤️

Extended family

We don’t pick these folks, but love them or not, they can teach you invaluable life lessons if you are open to receive. So, judge not.

We all seem to switch places as the years go on, and you really don’t know who will come through for you when you least expect it and need them most.

Mentors

I’ve written a previous blog (here), some years ago about the exquisite mentors I have had the privilege to know, work for, and befriend. I do not believe I could have progressed in my life and career without their brilliant advice, support, and friendship.

Everyone should have a mentor and in turn, mentor someone. It is a rich relationship, that reaps lifelong benefits, well beyond money. A mentor can bring balance and stability, by bringing new awareness and offering you different perspectives.

Often the old saying is true, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

Friends

When I was young, I always befriended those who were not immediately or easily acknowledged, accepted or liked by others.

I have always stood up for the underdog. And I have been bullied for it.

When the first black family moved to our town, I befriended the children. They were sooo friendly and we got along famously! I didn’t see color or ever think to treat anyone any differently because of their skin tone, or any different feature, but other kids did and I was curious as to why that was the case.

I went home and mentioned to my folks how much I enjoyed my new friends company (and how not many others seemed to) and my mom was fine with me inviting them over. But my dad cautioned me saying, “you can be friends, but nothing more.” Later, my mom clarified that dad would never want me to date anyone of a different race or nationality.

It was the first I knew of racism, and it really perplexed and bewildered me! I felt the emotional pain of conflicting thoughts.

Thankfully, dad changed (or softened) many of his views before he left this earth, but the memory of that emotional hurt still lingers. My mom was much more open to discussing race with me because of our Cherokee Native American ancestry. (I am of mixed ethnicity.)

Though my complexion is light, I consider ALL my brothers and sisters. It is also why I wrote this:

“Dancing with the Energy,

In the pinpoint center of the spiral,

She came alone with no siblings.

But as she unwound herself, the spiral emerged.

Then, she harmonized with many, and THEY became her siblings.” ❤️🦋🌀

To this day, I hold my true friends near and dear to my heart. I love that my circle of friends include beautiful hearts and souls of every race, creed, religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, etc.

Sheila’s poem, “Dancing with the Energy” – screen capture from her Clubhouse bio.

I choose friends based on their heart, and the soul Connection I feel when I am with them (even if only by voice).

Yes, interestingly, some of my dearest friends I haven’t even met in person. We’ve only met by phone on Clubhouse or on Zoom. Soul Connections do not rely on the physical. Isn’t that intriguing?

Colleagues

After having spent 30 plus years in Information Technology, I have gotten to know and spent many days, weeks, months, and years working with many excellent colleagues. And I do mean, incredible people. I am thrilled to have formed lasting friendships with many.

Several former colleagues continue to Connect with me (even if initiated for a reference—but always to chat about a bit more than superficial things). I am always happy to hear from them. Giving out professional references is one way I can “give back” in honor of the help and advice my mentors always graciously gave me.

In particular, I want to thank the many “scary smart” folks I had the pleasure of getting to know, and working with at:

  • The Veterans Administration on the VETSNET team (4 years, 4 months) of employees and contractors from Liberty, Booz Allen Hamilton, Halfaker, and others, while employed by Advanced Systems Design (ASD).
  • Emerson Process Management (3 years)
  • Jabil Circuit
  • AT&T Mobility
  • Walt Disney World, Parks & Resorts Operations
  • Campus Management
  • Florida Virtual School
  • US Air Force Space Wing (2)
  • NASA, Space Gateway Support, and InDyne Inc. at Kennedy Space Center (5)
  • Lone Star College
  • OnSource Consulting, Inc.
  • Ellucian (4)
  • Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University (10)

Acquaintances

Smile. Be nice or at least kind to everyone you meet. You really never know when or where people will pop back into your life.

I have had some people show back up in my life (from seemingly unimportant encounters), that have utterly astonished me.

Some individuals have shown up again in my life “out of the blue” providing me evidence that metaphysical or supernatural powers are indeed at work—often. There’s simply been too many bizarre and uncanny encounters occur (incredibly timed) for me to simply chalk these kinds of experiences up as “coincidences.”

In closing

I believe (because I’ve witnessed it), that everyone moves along at differing rates of speed. And thinking that thought helps me when I don’t understand another’s perspective. As well, my mantra of Everything Resolves to Gratitude helps me a lot too!

I choose to hang with uplifting souls to help mySelf! It simply FEELS great! ❤️🦋🌀〰️

The more things change, the more they seem to circle back (and stay the same).

So, I would like to offer the main intention I bring into each relationship, and yes, at the start of each day and in any difficult moment:

To offer a way to open your mind to receive the Connected nature of it ALL.

Excerpt from:
Murrey, Sheila. “Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life!” Apple Books.
This material may be protected by copyright.

A bit about me, your Spiral Sister

I would love to speak at your bookstore, crystal shop, acupuncture / chiropractor office, or other holistic / natural fair or festival. I support healthy lifestyle businesses. For information on both of my books, visit my Amazon author’s page — Click here.

An Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon. 

Plus, my holistic health book that details how I naturally reversed asthma, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, is available now. Buy it here

Be the best version of who you want to be

Information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

Follow me on Twitter at: TakeOnYourself


Lessons from mom

While my son and I helped dad pack things up, after my dad was mentally and emotionally able to sell the property and mobile home in south Florida where we’d first landed after relocating in 1985 from West Virginia, I found several things that answered some questions I’d had for many years.

Diary pages

Along with several diary pages that mom had written in the 1960s and 1970s, I found an unsigned letter to her that made me question which is more important taking advice from family or from friends.

The statement in the letter that got me was, “I’m disappointed in you that you feel that your friends understand you better than your family (and me).”

Old typed letter
Old typed letter

Who wrote it?

I have an idea of who the letter is from, but I am not sure. It was typed, single spaced on one sheet of paper.

As of this moment, it doesn’t matter to me who wrote the letter.

I will say that it ended on what I would consider to be a positive note, though still preachy.

“Don’t continually think about what is in your past. Let’s live for the future.”

Now, as for me, “I’ve had my share of sad kicks in my face, but I have come through” (to quote from one of my favorite Queen songs, We Are The Champions).

I haven’t cried much in the last year since mom passed, mostly because I still communicate with her in subtle ways, and I am keenly aware of her continuation in my life by occurring synchronicities.

Yet, today, I cried.

I had meditated and upon coming out of meditation, I was filled with emotion. I cried and spoke the following aloud:

Family reflect who we were; friends reflect who we are. 

Family reflect who we once were, or who we were in the past. But, our friends reflect who we are now, who we’ve become, and how much we’ve grown (or not). That’s why we sometimes tend to love our friends more than our family. Yet, some of us (like me), who are very blessed, have family we are also friends with and who we want to spend eternity with. Time limits us, but thankfully (Thank you, God), that eternity is not limited.

Here’s something that’s true for most of us. We’re stuck in a box, or bottle. Even if its clear.

The box or bottle I’m referring to? The fences (rules) of religion—even when religion supposedly isn’t involved.

From a dream

Dream: Mom was reminding me about all the notations she had made in her Bible about “No gossip”, and “not to gossip.”

And that’s because all learning must be Experiential learning—coming from direct experience, which is also why Jesus said let thy speech be yay or nay. He knew that we can never really know the truth of another.

Someone may try to warn you of another. But we all experience each other differently because who we are in any given moment, elicits something different from the person. Many times we’ve experienced this. It’s the situation when one divorced person marries another and they get along gloriously. The “bad” partner may get along with another just fine.

Each of us experience life differently. We just can never fully know someone. People lie. People pretend.

I think most of us want to put our best self forward—but, for most this involves wearing a kind of mask. Call it the mask of pretense. It’s the face of kindness, compassion, peace, or love, while inside ourselves we feel anger, resentment, sadness, jealousy, or regret.

Best lesson

Be a loyal friend and keep people’s confidences. Mama taught me by example and reminded me often to be the best friend I could to my friends.

Now, I find I have a splendid variety of the most trusting loyal friends—all unique in their beliefs, but who each hold a strong core of integrity.

❤️🦋🌀☀️🌱

Thank you.

I miss you mama. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me everything I needed to know (when you could barely talk anymore), by looking in my eyes and placing your hand on the side of my face. And for always living in utter GRATITUDE the last years of your life (though your surroundings were not as you once would have wanted). You came to a place of not knowing or of acceptance, it doesn’t matter which, because you were grateful. You became Grace.

I only cry because I never got to tell you how much I got that lesson, how deeply I learned that last lesson from you. I continue forward, with understanding.

Nothing really matters, or everything matters. Each of us get to choose. Who do you love?

We Are All Connected. OM

Many blessings to you in ALL ways.

UPDATE: I found the rest of the letter, and it was NOT from whom I had thought! And the rest of it brought the earlier statements into balance with love and grace, so I have learned another lesson. I continue to feel Gratitude. Tears! 😭

UPDATE 7-Jun-2019: As I was washing the Lifetime brand (which really do last a lifetime) of pots and pans (that dad gave me years ago), it hit me why mom always LOVED to clean house–it put her in a meditative state! Ah! Yes, my aha moment today. And it brought tears to my eyes. OM

After that, I was looking through pictures of a book I’d bought my granddaughter last year (yes, I save things like that), and it highlighted my new found awareness:

CREDIT: Buddha Doodles, by Molly Hahn
CREDIT: Buddha Doodles, by Molly Hahn

 

A bit about me:

Check out this original song, Didn’t I Tell You. My husband wrote this song and it was performed and recorded in a Nashville, TN studio. You can download it (it’s Track 6) from this link: https://store.cdbaby.com/cd/chevyfordb2

An Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon.

Plus, the brand new book that’s been in the making for 13 years, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, is now available for online sale and distribution (PDF format).

Buy it here.

Be the best version of who you want to be.

Information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

Follow me on Twitter at: TakeOnYourself

The Reconnected Friendship Quilt — A Christmas Story

There once was a friend (me) who let down another friend. At the time, I doubt that I had much of an idea how much I had upset the apple cart of the friendship, but thankfully, a few weeks ago, it was brought to my attention, and I was given a beautiful opportunity to genuinely apologize and heal a past hurt. And I hope, and believe it was, a beautiful healing experience for us both.

Now, for the story…

A few months ago, I saw a picture on Facebook of a wall hanging quilt that a distanced, long-time friend of mine had created. The colors and energetic patterns within each hand-sewn square really pulled me in. And though we had not talked in years, except for a few minutes at her niece’s Celebration of Life memorial service (over a year ago), well, this quilt resonated so much with me that I jumped to ask her about it! And perhaps boldly of me, I asked if she might craft a King size quilt like it for me!

Patties wall hanging quilt.jpg

I loved it! The colors, pattern, and workmanship was outstanding! To my joy, she agreed to make a King size quilt for my husband and I, but not like the one I had seen, because of the size. The quilt I had commented on was much smaller (only a wall hanging).

However, that was a good thing because it meant we would get to chat a number of times about colors, design, and so forth. I took some measurements of our bed, and asked my husband too, about colors, design, and so forth.

We did all of our chats via Facebook. This might not sound like an important aspect of the story, but trust me, it is.

I wanted a King size version of mostly brown, blue, and green–in a Native American kind of design. It didn’t have to be traditional. In fact, I would have been happy with anything–as long as Pattie made it.

Our Christmas Star.JPG

I told Pattie that I’d cherish the quilt for years to come. What she didn’t know was that in the last ten years or so, I’ve learned that mostly only the things people have given to me, or that were personally made for me, hold any kind of special emotional attachment. Other things are nice, pretty, useful, etc. but if they all went away, the only ones I’d miss, are the few that were given to me by family that didn’t give often, or were from my home state or town, or were handmade. And living in an RV for the last seven years, I’ve had to be quite discerning over size, weight, and quantity of items I chose to keep and hold dear.

All the while Pattie and I chatted about the quilt on Facebook, I didn’t know that our friendship was kind of mending too! There was healing occurring. And that’s always a good thing.

Also, at the time I commissioned this work, I had not considered how I’d get it, whether she would ship it, or I’d pick it up, etc. I certainly hadn’t given any thought to having the opportunity to meet in person, with some time to visit and enjoy a beautiful lunch!

Closeup.JPG

So, when Pattie was done with the quilt, I asked her if we could meet halfway, instead of her shipping it. That way, she could get to know my husband too, and we could have a nice lunch, somewhere midway from where we live (since we live about three hours from each other). She agreed. We talked about where we would meet. Finalizing on our plans, we set a date and time.

When the day arrived, we texted to make sure we were each on our way. I was super excited to be able to hang out with Pattie, catch up, and of course, receive our quilt.

We met at an eastern European bistro restaurant that we love. We shared some different and unique foods, and had plenty of time to relieve some of our past, share how my husband and I met, and so forth. And then came the question I had not expected.

I had not remembered or probably fully ever realized or known why we had quit talking. Thankfully, Pattie refreshed my memory, so that I had the opportunity to apologize. We held hands and tears flowed. Cleansing. Forgiveness. Allowing. I am so glad we had this time. Not just to relieve past hurts, but to understand. To process the pain that had been caused, and to allow the hurt to shift (even if only a little bit), so that over the coming days and weeks, we could “let it go.”

I know that for many of us, taking the time to be heard, to ask what’s wrong, or tell another what’s wrong, ask for forgiveness, or forgive, can be the hardest thing to do. But God, it’s so worth it!

And chatting via Facebook or text doesn’t communicate all of our emotions, plus, as we all know it doesn’t allow us to exchange vibrational energy.

I’m not perfect. I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life and I own each one, taking full responsibility.

But yesterday is gone. And today is all we have. I’m not just saying this in a philosophical way, but in a real time, honest-to-goodness, way. The person I am today is different than I used to be. I feel more deeply. I love more generously. And when I need to, I discern and draw better boundaries. But mostly, I am more open to receive.

So, this Christmas, I wanted to take this moment to tell those who have been in my life how very special they are to me. You are loved. You are cherished. You make up the tapestry of my life, because you’ve been in so many of my experiences. We may live far apart. Or we may not talk often. But you make me who I am.

You are worthy. You are loved.

Our unique experiences are each a thread within a tapestry, or quilt, of one’s life. And We Are All Connected.

Quilt with sock monkey.JPG

Note the sock monkey on the bed! He was handmade for me when I was born by a dear family friend–and he has went everywhere with me, every move, of which there have been many.

A few folks who have seen this quilt have commented of Pattie’s exquisite precision sewing and design work. So much so, that one gentlemen has already put in an order for a similar quilt.Binding and thickness.JPG

I should also add that this quilt is oh so very comfortable to sleep under! It’s not too thick like a comforter, so in Florida we can use it all year.

I only quilt with words. My husband quilts with music. But my friend Pattie quilts with fabric & thread and turns memories and forgiveness into tangible ‘heart-work’ that can (and in our case, will) last for generations.

Handmade tag.JPG

May you be blessed for 2017 and always, in All ways.

–If you would like Pattie to make a quilt for you, comment below and include a way for her to reach you. Or email me.