Otter: Rant on Whole-ism – Holism, Dao, and Health

The whole Dao thing

Am I recording? All right.

Well, I’m sitting here driving and just letting my mind go blank go into neutral, as we mostly drive on auto pilot with our subconscious anyway. And I’m noticing something as I’m thinking about Taoism and the whole ism thing, holistic and spiritual versus materialism.

So yeah, if it’s true that one of the things I’m supposed to do while I’m on the planet is act as a bridge, to bring heaven to earth (regarding the “as above so below” thing)… and seeing that a lot of my friends seem to gravitate toward or to me (my presence or my essence), because they also believe in Holism, Taoism, holistic health, Buddhism, New Age, or loving light.

But years ago, and I realized this when I was writing my book, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life–a holistic health book—that a lot of people that were spiritual, manifesting as teacher, minister, messenger, psychic, nun or simply someone that works with the clergy, they tend to be unhealthy. They tend to be overweight, sometimes grossly overweight, quite obese, morbidly obese, or just the opposite. Conversely, some are tiny, skinny, they look like they they eat like a bird and they’re unhealthy. And, who knows, I mean, the picture of health may not be the perfect BMI or the perfect weight anyway.

Over or under weight

I mean, you could be overweight or underweight and still be perfectly healthy and perfectly fine. But I’m just saying that predominantly, you could kind of look at these people who were more spiritual, and they look like they weren’t taking care of their bodies, maybe as well as they could have. In my opinion. I look at the whole other group of people were really physical, you know, they’re physically active, even older seniors that are playing tennis or golf or pickle ball. All of that crowd you know, the golfers, the ones who walk and jog and swim and and do all this the yoga right the yogi’s who are probably perhaps the only people who are actually working on their physical body, their physicality and blending their spiritual with their consciousness of breath. They’re doing all of that to to bridge and to bring heaven to earth the yogi’s, right? So they’re practicing yoga every day, maybe multiple times a day. Not like me, the sporadic yoga person, but I get the reason.

So the reason I’m moving my body when I’m breathing is to imbue the cells of my body with oxygen that then goes into my blood, which I believe is where my soul is, I feel my soul through my GodBumps that I feel internally in my body. For more about that, see author Davie Pfaffle’s interview of me on his YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EP0lqKnHGA

Internal Resonance

It’s a internal resonance. It’s a sensation that I feel I’ve written about and talked about for years. I know that my soul is in my blood when I put on good music and I feel the rhythm and I’m moving to it. That’s, that’s one reason why they call it soul music, right? Because you can FEEL it. You can feel this vibe in your body when certain music was on when certain music moved you when it touched you when it like, moved your emotions, right because that’s energy in motion.

You’re breathing and oxygenating your body while you’re dancing. You’re getting that oxygen which is from the ether or spirit and you’re getting that into your blood. So you’re oxygenating your blood, which is bringing heaven or ether or spirit into your body, which is your soul. Your soul is based in your body.

So anyway, not to get off track here, but I noticed that the spiritual people tended not to take care of their body. Spiritual types tend to have more body breakdowns like with body structure, even bones and ligaments and joints, aches, pains, arthritis, all kinds of chronic ills. And then the more physically fit people were they had to work harder to kind of get their mind straight or mind in order or reach for the spiritual. You know, they didn’t think they were spiritual people. They say things like, “I’m into my body.” I’m into the right weight for my body. I hear them say, “I’ve got the right physique and I go shopping and I buy all these clothes and I wear pretty shoes and heels” and all this sort of thing and they are really into their body! Look at them showing off on the social media. They are unapologetically vain, but then say they don’t feel spiritual. They often say they want to be more spiritual.

So I thought when I wrote my health book, I think there’s a market for somebody like me to talk with people who are seeking spirituality. Because they are physically fit, they do take care of their body and they get that their body is their temple. But they just feel like they need more they want to see more spirit, right? They want to grow their spirit or they want to, at least, understand their spirit, their soul, why they’re here and all that sort of stuff. But then you’ve got those people who have all the spiritual as well as, a lot of the spiritual answers but they’re just not taking good care of the body.

So I thought, wouldn’t it be great if I can hit both groups, target markets, and help them–marry them, and come into balance and I had that thought when I met Master Lama Nicholas Packard (when he came across my path and I learned about Taoism and took Tai Chi Qi Gong lessons from him). I’d already been doing yoga and I’d already been meditating and I reasoned, this is just perfect because Lama Nicholas is now explaining Balance (to me) and polarity and why we have good and bad why we have good and evil in the world. Because it’s ALL order. Three brings polarity, bring this balance and you can’t have one without the other and it’s all about proportion. I was gonna say moderation but you know, that’s probably where some of those concepts come from is everything in moderation because it’s in proportion, everything needs to be proportionate.

So when you draw the circle, and you draw the wave inside the circle, and you draw the yin and yang, there’s a DOT in each one. There’s the little white in the black and there’s a little black in the white and that represents Balance–with a capital B. And the wave is the change that’s always occurring because when wind moves across the water, there’s always a wave on the water. The water is always moving–even if you can’t see it. There is a time and you’ve probably all experienced this when you look at a body of water and it’s completely balanced–calm. It’s like glass. And it perfectly reflects the sky. And you’re like, wow, for a moment there.

Shangri La and Water

I would think, for a moment at least, that I’m in Shangri La. I would think that I’m in a perfect state of ease, calm balance, right? Because water seeks its own level.

So yes, you can stir the water you can treble the water like the old song. But water will always seek its own Balance. Water seeks and conforms in each moment, to its own level–ALL the time. At some point water may take a while and the water may bubble and do all kinds of stuff. But at some point it will still and Balance.

So your body is like that because our bodies are more water than anything else and bacteria and fungi and microbes. Things like that. But the cells of our body are mostly water. So our body is mostly water. Our body is mostly in this state of constant chaos and turmoil and upset because we allow things to disturb us.

But what if, and this is what meditation is fo–what if we calm the body?

What if we calm the waters inside the body?

Then the body can start to heal and can start to do what it needs to do to regenerate itself so that when apoptosis occurs in the cell (and the cell dies), the next cell that’s made from the pattern of the previous cell, is replicated off a blueprint that’s good and healthy. You know, the cell that had a problem or had a cancer is gone and died and the one that replaces it now replicates from the good blueprint. Now, you’ve got a better chance of being healthy. And I think we all have a better chance of being healthy than we have of being ill.

I’ve been ill and I don’t like it. I don’t think a lot of people like being ill unless of course, they can gain something from it. There’s got to be a gain somewhere in it for them if they want to continue to be ill because I think most people don’t like to be ill.

I’ll do anything to get healthy, get better, and live well. So I would encourage you, especially if you have asthma, because that’s what I reversed in my body… yes, I regenerated my body from asthma. If you have any chronic ill, I would encourage you to pick up a copy of my book or even write to me if you can’t afford the 10 bucks that my book is selling for. But pick up a copy because it offers lots of tips, tricks, techniques and ideas for potential solutions.

3 virtues: detachment, indifference, sameness

When you begin to pay attention to the little things you do, day in and day out, that are things you do out of HABIT, you can begin to gain more awareness. And with awareness comes consciousness. Life offers so many choices! You can choose to change your health and live better–you can! You can begin by practicing the 3 virtues.

Acupuncture

I mean, once upon a time I didn’t know any of this information. My husband’s aunt suggested acupuncture to me! Little did I know that by trying out acupuncture, which did indeed turn out to be something that helped me immensely, that I could heal my body. I had to do many, many sessions over a period of about six months to a year but I got off five prescription medications and then my body began to heal. I did other things too. I had to understand that I had a choice and could detach from the medical paradigm that I’d found myself ensnared in!

Eat whole food, release addictions

I cleaned up my diet. I started eating things that I’ve never eaten in my life like avocados and ginger, the real ginger root, garlic, lots of garlic and even I took garlic as a supplement to help clear up and then the mucus that was really kind of taken over my sinus and my lungs from eating a lot of dairy in particular cheese.

I was a cheese hound! But, I gave up cow cheese for a while and eat raw cheese occasionally now, YEARS LATER. But back then I ate raw vegan cheese made from nuts, and I made my own nut milks too. Now, I don’t go overboard and I will go without regular cheese for months–because it’s sometimes hard to find good unpasteurized raw cheese (though I love raw goat cheese the best).

Point here is, I healed using a combination of a lot of things like adding good supplements to my diet, eating partly eating less a lot less dairy. I never drank milk anyway and I didn’t eat much ice cream but cheese was my dairy product of choice. And I had to kinda get to a point where I could see my addiction to it. Any kind of “longing for something” can actually be “addiction.”

And doing things like meditation, yoga, Qigong back then helped me so much–back when I was healing of the asthma. I first had to stop torturing my body with those five pharmaceutical medications because they were only making me worse, making me dependent on them. And I didn’t want to take pharma drugs the rest of my life, which is exactly what I would have been doing. I had done for many years. So I would have continued to do that and my body would just simply gotten weaker, weaker than I would have gotten something that was whatever the side effect would be from all those medications.

Spiraling back for a moment–by the way, Pharma doesn’t test medications together. They may test the one or maybe two medications that are predominantly prescribed together, but they’re not going to test five medications together. So who knows what was going on in my body from taking 5 meds plus, weekly allergy shots for two years. But that’s another part of the story that’s in my book. That’s why I said earlier, I had become ensnared by the Pharma.

The spiritual path

What I can say is there’s two paths you can go down–you can choose spirituality. You can choose to get right with God, so to speak. You can choose to live like Jesus. Be like Jesus. Develop the virtues and attributes of someone that’s in heaven. But do it now while you’re on earth. You can choose from any number of diets like the raw vegan diet or a macro, or vegetarian diet, where you’re predominately eating whole clean foods, organic, sustainably sourced. You can do all those things and feel well, but if you’re missing out on your spiritual aspects, which would be beautiful time alone time when you’re praying and or meditating where you’re not asking for anything, you aren’t living in WHOLENESS.

Gratitude and Thanksgiving to Creator

When you’re giving material things up, living simply, not longing for stuff (or even people), not attaching to things, and when you’re living in gratitude, that’s getting WHOLE.

When you’re dancing in worship to your Creator, and you’re being thankful to your ancestors, your parents–without whom, having lived their lives, succeeded in overcoming the many obstacles they must have faced in their life–you wouldn’t be here. WOW! That’s awakening. If you’re not giving gratitude things to those folks every day, you’re missing you’re missing out on a component.

So I put together something called Integrated Spiral because I’m balancing and integrating ALL of this every day. But the point is, if you can do these things, live your beliefs and turn them into Practices, you don’t need to worry about being perfect. Just do your practices every day.

Do certain practices that bring health back into your body, as well as imbue spirit into your body. Honor the directions there’s more than four honor the season. Dress for the seasons eat with the seasons, it local foods. Spend time with family and friends and relatives and babies children. You’re not a person if you’re a person that doesn’t like children or can’t seem to relate with children learn you know, give it some time, practices. Talk with people that are from different countries and different backgrounds, different cultures. Open your mind, open your perspective. Change your perspective. Expand your consciousness and never forget that We Are All Connected. And what you do on your side of the tapestry affects someone on the other side of the tapestry when you pull that thread and again and I say give thanks. The best prayer that you can ever say is Thank You when you say it with intention and genuine authenticity. Thank you. Everything Resolves to Gratitude in the end, you’ll see much love and many blessings in all ways.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Be Jesus

Be Jesus

You’ve heard, “Just Do It” as the marketing slogan. And you say you’re a Christian. But you don’t live like Jesus lived. You say it’s because He was God, or God in human form. You say He was perfect and that you cannot be perfect, because you are not God or not The Son of God.

But Jesus said WE are all sons and daughters of God. And that we could do even greater things than He did when He walked the earth.

Faith is trusting and knowing without any doubt.

BE Jesus.

Egoless

Jesus didn’t come to collect followers or win friends. He came to show us what IS possible. That it IS our birthright to live as He did. Study the scriptures with an eye to understand HOW He lived.

Living like Jesus has nothing to do with Ego.

Surrender your Ego.

This whole “need to be perfect,” and “need to be protected” stuff is all driven by Ego. That’s the only “work” you have to do—to let go of that.

BE Jesus.

Ego is manmade, and typically found when we get caught up in comparing ourselves (or our accomplishments) to others.

We are each unique, so all comparisons fall flat. No comparisons are needed. Comparisons are a waste of time. Waste of Energy.

Perfection

Ah, why do we limit our potential, limit our power by thinking we are not perfect? Jesus came to clean us and offer His “perfect protection.” So, why do we doubt ourselves? Do we doubt Him?

I don’t need to be perfect, or protected because I know that I’m enveloped by Omniscience. And I don’t say that with ANY sense of Ego.

I have spoken with some about this and they don’t understand.

It seems to me that being enveloped by Omniscience is when one is resonating IN a high level of faith, trust, knowing. IN that state of blissful resonance, one rests and surrenders to “Everything Resolves to Gratitude.”

One understands the meaning of that phrase.

Personal relationship with Jesus the Christ via the Holy Spirit is wonderful… but I have never felt it necessary to “convert” others or that Jesus is the ONLY way to God. Holy dialogue is inclusive. Jesus (in His earthly lifetime) was the way to get around having to go to a priest to commune with God. Holy Spirit (Spirituality) is available to ALL.

It will ALL work out in the end. Breathe. Be still and know.

Be Whole.

BE Jesus.

❤️🦋🌀🙏☯️

Learn more about my Integrated Spiral program here, where we connect spiritual types more fully with their bodies and connect body conscious types with Spirituality.

Integrated Spiral transformational coaching

Many blessings to you in ALL ways. ❤️🦋🌀

A bit about me, your Spiral Sister

I would love to speak at your bookstore, crystal shop, acupuncture / chiropractor office, or other holistic / natural fair or festival. I support healthy lifestyle businesses. For information on both of my books, visit my Amazon author’s page — Click here.

An Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon. 

Plus, my holistic health book that details how I naturally reversed asthma, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, is available now. Buy it here

Be the best version of who you want to be

Information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

Living Wholly Vibrant and Cellular Rejuvenation

Living Wholly Vibrant and Cellular Rejuvenation: Soulful, Spiritual, Mental, Physical, Emotional

Often we carry around the weight of the world on our shoulders. We actually feel our thoughts have weight! Negative emotions seem to hinder us; anger, fear, grief, guilt, jealousy, resentment, shame, and more can distort the way we present ourselves to the world. Our real self, the glorious bright and shining version of our truest self, would never want to live in any of the various states of negative emotion for too long (that’s why BEing sick gives us a chance to rest and restore)!

The cellular communication of our cells equates to their quality. When we belittle, criticize, judge, or otherwise harm another, it distorts us. Oh, ye of little faith (and ignorance). Thoughts are things! What you do now, not only impacts your now, but your future (and perhaps on your past–another mystery of the interconnect life)! Let’s rejuvenate our mind-body so as to all our soul and spirit the opportunity to clear and balance our emotions, and ultimately train our minds (make our mind serviceable) so we can live our best lives, indeed to live a Wholly Vibrant Life!

Living Wholly Vibrant and Cellular Rejuvenation

Soulful:

When we are Connected fully, living our purpose and in soul-alignment, we feel it! We are as a drop of ocean water (self) is to the greater ocean (our unbounded soul). And in our drop of sea water, we contain all of the same stuff–we just don’t always know who we are or that one day we will make our way back into the surf of our soul, to bring back all of the experience and knowledge we’ve come here to embody. Be as water. Go with the F-L-O-W.

Spiritual:

We are spiritual BEings living an earthly experience. We live and breathe Spirit! When we stay Connected to Omniscience, to the ALL of who we are, we are grateful for each breath, thankful to our parents and ancestors who brought us into BEing. Thus, it is easy to live in and with an attitude of gratitude. Mindful practices keeps us ONE with the Omnipresence of Love and manifests as a beautiful life.

Mental:

Each of us have Energy (electrical fire) running through the neurons of our brains and cells. When the fire is not burning so bright, we diminish (depress). When the fire is burning brilliant, we are passion and “on fire” for our purpose, and what unites us with our soul! There are no obstacles. To forgive means to give in advance and give others a chance to catch up–we ALL learn at differing rates of speed! Connect with the greater consciousness. We learn through each experience and expand–not only our identifiable consciousness, but the Collective Consciousness as well. This explains how the “Take It Upon Yourself” individual matters to the “We Are All Connected” ONE. Grow. Understand that life is infinite–full of potential and unlimited possibility.

Physical:

Our bodies manifest from ALL we take in (ingest), surround ourselves with (environment), and experience (go through). On a cellular level (read Dr. Bruce Lipton’s ground-breaking book, The Biology of Belief to understand this), our bodies are created from and continue to recreate based on the genetic blueprint, but express (become / manifest) their particular aspects (to BE the way they are) per the environment they are in! This is cellular rejuvenation. This is the way to connect soul to body. Nurture yourself and others. Be energetic in your daily life, you came here to express ALL of who you are!

Emotional:

Coming round full circle here. Our emotions are as the surf is to the ocean. Our emotions are always moving (ALLways). When we allow ourselves the time and kindness, feel anger, feel love, feel joy, and all in between we learn to enjoy (IN Joy) life; allowing, nurturing, feeling free, and BEing ALL we came to be. We allow ourselves and others the freedom to create peace and harmony, and/or teach lessons. Daily integration of practices you’ve come to learn such as, open-attention, mindfulness, meditation, and prayer provides you with all you need to properly and compassionately communicate (full of grace and ease) with anyone.

Live and breathe Love & Gratitude 

Thank Omniscience ALLways. OM

A bit about me, your Spiral Sister

I would love to speak at your bookstore, crystal shop, acupuncture / chiropractor office, or other holistic / natural fair or festival. I support healthy lifestyle businesses. For information on both of my books, visit my Amazon author’s page — Click here.

An Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon. 

Plus, my holistic health book that details how I naturally reversed asthma, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, is available now. Buy it here

Be the best version of who you want to be

Information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

Follow me on Twitter at: TakeOnYourself

In service and support of our U.S. Veterans

Serving Veterans is grand!

Memorial Day weekend 2017… finds me so outrageously HAPPY!!!

I’ve been granted the best opportunity of my career thus far, to do what I know and am skilled/educated for–working in Information Technology (IT)–to be in service and support one of the best groups of human BEings I know, our U.S. Veterans! Yes, my years of education and experience will not be lost, but it will all contribute to a mission that I can whole-heartedly accept and honor–to ensure our veterans receive their accurate and proper benefits!

In support of our Veterans
Soul-aligned in support of our Veterans

Seeking soul-aligned work

Over the past three years, I became acutely aware that I was in a place that did not align with my spirit or soul. As I watched things happen at my job that were not to my liking, I knew that at a deeper level it was because I was working within a corporate arena that was “part of the problem” vs. “part of the solution.” Not only from my perspective and my indigenous friends, but also of the perspective of those who support the environment and the “green movement.”

I became disillusioned and apathetic. I could blame it on not having my work valued, or this or that person not communicating, not showing up, or not playing by the rules to work within my team, or any other number of nonsensical illusory issues. But at the end of the day, I knew it was because I had never aligned with that corporate mission. I really didn’t.

I had been in quite a quandary! I enjoyed my work and didn’t want to throw away years of education and experience (knowing that Creator God had helped and guided me to all of that over the years), but I knew that I didn’t want to be where I was. I wanted to help people, perhaps even help people heal themselves (as evidenced by this blog site)!

Doing my part

So, I joined several groups over the last three years, went to many MeetUp meetings, talked with lots of friends–old and new, and worked with several uplifting people, like Alaina Starhawk, Maria Carranza, Linda McCarthy, Dr. Alison J. Kay, Lama Nicholas Packard and more, who saw my struggles and encouraged me to allow more ease and grace into my life. They knew the right thing would open for me at the right time–even when I couldn’t wipe the gray clouds away from my eyes to see it.

Ta-da!

And then, the clouds parted! And in a BIG WAY!

On May 13th, I had went to Qigong class with Lama Nicholas at the park, taught a class, “Natural Ways to Relieve Nervous Tension & Anxiety” at Awakening Wellness Center, and then went to the Pachamama Alliance, “Awakening the Dreamer, Changing the Dream Symposium” at Sacred Lands.

Declaring the desire

At the end of the symposium, each participant was given the opportunity to give a 30 second public service announcement (PSA). After watching videos and listening to presenters for about 4 hours during that event, I not only KNEW that I would stand up and talk with those in attendance, but I also knew–with more clarity than ever–what my “problem” was, just not how to solve it. I knew I needed to ask for their help.

My PSA went something like,

My name is Sheila. I work for a major corporation as a Technical Writer. One of the company’s clients is one you would not support. I don’t want to be part of the problem anymore, but I want to be part of the solution. Now, that we’re awakening, where do we go (what portal or job board) to find a way to BE part of the solution? And if no one knows of one, let’s create it! Maybe, Green Jobs 4 You?

Can you help me?

I didn’t know it acutely at that moment, but I was open and ready to receive. I was in a state of resonance to receive.

And I did talk with a couple of people after the event, and I picked up a couple of words that helped me later as I researched to find two job portals similar to what I had been thinking about:

http://www.ecojobs.com

and

http://www.goinggreenjobs.com

But I digress.

An eternal resonance

Literally, while walking to the parking lot of Sacred Lands, my friend Beverly Banov Brown, and I were saying good-bye to one another, when she heard me say, “I am going to be out of that place (job) within 30 days.” Compelled, she declared, “Wait” — and asked me to stand squarely in front of her so she could tell me something. I don’t recall if she told me that she was going to pray for me, bless me, or what, but I felt a strong conviction in her statement. So, I turned to her and stood there.

What happened next, seemed much more than a prayer. Beverly’s words seem to stretch into the ether. I want to describe the words she spoke as a Sacred Contract, or Universal Command, or something eternal and powerful. I still don’t know what to label it (nor do I like labels anyway–ha!).

Beverly spoke the Sacred Words to me, calling forth my intention in faith and steadfast BELIEF that “within 30 days…” the change I had so desired would occur.

As earth-shaking as her words sounded to me though, oddly, I left and went on my way, tired from the very long day that I’d had. I was hungry and just wanted to get home and go eat with the hubby. Thus, I promptly forgot about that prayer — until days later, on the morning after I was offered a new position working in support of our veterans!

Actualizing

The new job definitely came in within the 30 days, as Beverly had declared. It had actualized in 10 DAYS. Of course, there was lots of paperwork for me to do, fingerprints, background, and drug screen, etc.

Start date: June 1st

So, here I sit. Outrageously happy and excited to announce that the prayer was answered! And that graciously, my heartfelt desire for meaningful and engaging work in ALIGNMENT with my soul to help people IS happening!

I am resonating with a profoundly grateful and thankful heart to Limitless OMNIPOTENCE Source OMNIPRESENCE Energy OMNISCIENCE Creator God!

A long chapter (full of efforting and lessons learned) closed Friday May 26th, 2017 (synchronistically, on my son’s 35th birthday!), allowing space for a blessed new chapter in the book of my life to begin–AMAZING!!

The new role “that came so effortlessly” to me will have me working from home (100% Remote) in humble service as a Business Analyst.

Pachamama

You bet that I will also continue to promote the Pachamama Alliance too, and continue to learn from the new friends I made at the symposium. Just click on any of the links within this blog article to learn more about each person I’ve named–as well as the Pachamama Alliance.

I would love it if you would take a few minutes to watch the following video about Awakening the Dreamer:

In soul-connected alignment

Finally, I’d like to tell you about one more sign of synchronicity to all of this that shows me I am on the right path for me, at this time. Not many would notice… but one of my first childhood friend’s is named, Beverly Brown. And my friend who carved this spiritual request into the ether of the Universe is named, Beverly Banov Brown! Don’t you just love that? I do!

In humility and service to all,

sheila

OM

A bit about me:

An Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon.

Plus, my holistic health book that details how I naturally reversed asthma, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, is available now. Buy it here.

Be the best version of who you want to be.

Information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

Follow me on Twitter at: TakeOnYourself