My emotions are not your responsibility

You say you love me but hardly have 5 minutes for me after driving 1000 miles for all of us to be together. ((UPDATE: I got my 5 minutes!!! And yes, no drama, no “stuffing” of emotions, and no MANIPULATION! I simply worked through my emotions, wrote this article—turning my “pain” into Art—and then breathed and “Allowed” ALL to simply, BE. And it worked out even better than I could have asked for, with MORE time and much more hugs and happy faces all around.))

Or maybe it’s more about your friends?

And that’s okay. As I know friends are family who we have chosen.

But why did you feel the need to point out the things I did that didn’t suit you?

I didn’t hear something you said, I moved towels in the bag you had expertly folded (which I apologized for), while trying to find something for someone else (being helpful) in the bag? Later, you said you spent time putting the towels in the bag in an orderly fashion, so I knew my action triggered you. Again, I am sorry I didn’t consider that.

You poke the bear. Nit-picking at me. Not appreciating me. I have improved and can “take” a lot, but eventually I break too. We are both “sensitive.”

Don’t you know your words matter to me?

Sunrise. Daytona Beach Shores

You have made comments to me which seem to be “put downs.” Maybe unintentionally.

I don’t think you have complimented me in any way. I don’t need you to lavish me with compliments (I’m not a narcissist). But once in a while it is nice to be appreciated. ((UPDATE: Thank you for telling me “Thank you so much” as we hugged goodbye. I love you too!!))

I can’t seem to be trusted or able to do anything right.

Can you give me credit for doing the best that I can?

I had been working my processes and letting the comments pass over me without tears, until the last one (yesterday). That I should have kept my mouth shut. It triggered me. It embarrassed me (though it shouldn’t have, as we don’t need to people-please). I don’t think you meant to be hurtful, but it sounded quite rude to me. So, I wanted to leave (the outing) and not return.

It seems your friends matter more to you, than me. And I love that you love your friends. But I would also like to matter. Otherwise, I don’t feel wanted.

I may be gone before your friends are (though I think we all know now, life is short).

I spent a fortune to come see you, but I don’t know if you know that.

And supposedly you love me more.

I haven’t felt very respected or wanted. (Again because we have not spent even 5 uninterrupted minutes together in 5 days, and when I did come to sit and talk with you at the beach, you seemed to need to relax and not talk). And that’s okay. I didn’t want to force anything.

But I would have simply loved to have had a talk (without being made to feel I couldn’t say or do something right).

I guess this is why people spend more time at work.

Because we aren’t celebrated when we do take time to be with family.

Why is it the ones we love and the ones who say they love us, act unkind when (they say) kindness is important to them?

No wonder people spend more time at work.

They want to go where they are celebrated, not tolerated.

I did my EFT Tapping and realized why I got upset (finally, after about the 5th time something you said felt disrespectful), to become aware of these things.

I don’t expect you’ll read this. That’s not the point anyway.

The point is, my emotions are not your responsibility.

Though I am sad, I will mind my Energy and make different decisions.

I am glad you are your own person. And it isn’t my Ego that is hurt. I know I am not perfect, nor have I ever needed to be perfect. And I don’t expect you to be perfect either.

I will extend you that kindness.

I am still learning. Working my processes. Thank you for giving me more to chew on. Heal more layers. I love you!