The truth lies somewhere in between

Truth lies somewhere in between

Arguing and bickering

Some people seem to thrive on arguing. I’m thinking in particular of lawyers, couples in tumultuous relationships, and those who always stir up or fuel discord on Facebook (and other social media).

My dad would often tell my mom to, “Change the subject.” And then he would change it!

I don’t think dad really ever liked arguing with my mom, though they constantly bickered. And all of that lead to my awareness that, “The truth lies somewhere in between.” And “It takes two to fight.”

Yet, it took me decades to learn that one of the two in an argument simply needs to STOP FIGHTING (in essence, release the resistance), to end the argument.

Yes, though my parents loved each other passionately, their love was not unconditional. Through watching them, I learned all about conditional love. So, how could I know what true love was?

Observations of parts

I observed, during a Bible class I participated in a few years ago, that some attendees argued more about specifics, like healthcare and sexism as related to Trump. I had to keep pulling people up to the macro general level and why we were there.

I seemed to only see the downside to love growing up in a dysfunctional family. I never thought anyone got it right. And then later, when I fell in love (or what I thought was love), I perpetuated the toxic cycle.

Truth lies somewhere in between

Which part am I?

  • I am not my body
  • I am not my mind
  • I am more than the sum total of my collective experience

I can list my likes and attributes, but you may still have a better idea of who I am, than I will ever have.

As my adult children and I have recounted stories from their youth, they certainly saw a different side of me than I self witnessed. The same must be true of how I viewed my parents volatile relationship.

Examining my characteristics

  • I am honest
  • I am sensitive
  • I am empathic; sometimes intuitive
  • I love deeply
  • I am resilient
  • I have fought tough relationship battles that might have wrecked others
  • I am a loyal friend (and keeper of secrets)
  • I allow my feelings to be hurt (and sometimes become resentful, until I become fully aware that I allowed my feelings to be hurt).
  • I hold stuff in (I say it is to “protect” others and spare them from having to observe it or get involved—but is that really true?)
  • I have been a codependent (but does one ever really heal from codependency?)

I don’t want to hold stuff inside, but anytime I get mad or speak my mind it pisses other people off.

I struggle with people pleasing. Or people not listening to me. I never saw my mom get too far when she argued with dad or others, so I decided early to forgo the arguments. Or so I thought! Both my first and second husbands argued with me. Ugh. And my children were witnesses to so much of that—and I hate that!

Learning from the lessons

Whenever I am emotionally triggered, I read this:

I never like to be disrespected, bullied, or have my intelligence questioned, or be treated less than I am! But I know I’m not always right. As well, others, no matter how well or how long they have known me, don’t know all of my thoughts, wishes, or desires, and that I strive to always respect others and show kindness if nothing else. I know many people are hurting, sad, mad, over or under medicated, or are hungry for love. And I realize no one knows Everything—not yet.

❤️🦋🌀🙏😉

What to do?

  • I am too analytical to blindly follow
  • I am independent
  • I am curious and always seeking
  • I can focus on the positives

I have some clairsentience and clairaudience abilities, though not tuned specifically to aid others. Perhaps I will offer these senses and abilities more of my time.

Fight to feel better

…When you feel bad nothing works. You labor to get out of bed. You stub your toe on a table that has never moved and you’ve known for years where it is. You lose your car keys, glasses, or phone. Walk around with a big old frown on your face and you know it drives people away from you. You’re fighting with yourself about something. Let go of whatever you’re resisting and your day will improve.

From my book, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life!

Be as water

I love the water (but looking at it, or walking along the shore more than swimming in it–though I love to float!)

Water doesn’t fight with itself. Or does it?

Water rages. Water flows. Water falls. Water is still.

I will EXPLORE more ways to be like water!

Yes!

I will find my own balance.

I will find my own level.

I will start by reminding myself that the truth lies somewhere in between. I will not judge by what I see in the mirror, but simply point out the many facets of truth, per the mirror disco ball.

As Scott Buck, a writer on both Six Feet Under and Dexter series dramas often made a foundational point of saying, “We never really know a person.”

I like to compare our personalities to facets inside a kaleidoscope or disco ball. We reflect what we see or imagine others to be.
❤️🦋🌀

Even racists can be kind. And I am about over all the hate from the other side. ❤️🦋🌀

A bit about us:

My husband is an award-winning illustrator, plus he is a seasoned guitarist, bass player, and songwriter (of over 400 original songs). You can view some of his artwork and listen to all of his songs on http://RichardMurrey.com or check out his latest 24 songs here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC53E21F-JlTW2iQmPcEIWkQ

I’m an Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon. Plus, I’ve written a new book (in the making for 13 years), Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, that’s now available for online sale and distribution (PDF format). Buy it here.

As well, you can hire us to promote your book, band, business, or services here: https://www.facebook.com/MurreyMakers-103294764612382/

Be the best version of who you want to be and let us promote you!

Information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

Follow me on Twitter at: TakeOnYourself

Beau’s eulogy

In memory of Lou-Lou’s Beau… in grief and warmest love forever:

While I am in this sadness…
Let me somehow reach for all the moments of JOY you (Beau) gave me!

How your daily obedience to me without fuss, always amazed me…
How you could wait for me, no matter how long I had to be away from home, always so eager to see me! I know you loved dinner time, but was it all that prompted you to greet me so?Beau 2003

You always showed me such enthusiasm with a tail wagging greeting when I came home! (Except for the last few months, when you began not even waking up when I got up in the morning, or when I would come in the door).

One of my best memories of you  (and of Lou-Lou) were when we lived in the little house on York; the house with the doggy door, and big back yard. You would nearly “fly” from the doggy door, over and off of the porch, and run all around the yard! Oh, how you both loved that! And you would always go way out in the yard (by the back fence) to do your “business.” (You were so thoughtful in that way). As well as, you loved to chase the squirrels!

When we moved to the new townhouse, how quick you were to greet every neighbor, especially Muriel Springer (Susan Springer‘s mom — Susan would later become my Reiki teacher. Such synchronicities always).

We also met an older gentleman while we were walking the neighborhood, whose name I have long since forgotten. He loved you so much that he and his wife invited us in and we would chat for several minutes while they offered you water. You magnetized people! The man eventually declined from Alzheimer’s, left his wife, and moved in with his kids in another state – his wife later told me she felt it was so he could be close to them and their dog!

You helped me get outside to exercise by walking with you three times a day, meeting new neighbors, and finding new trees and flowers too!

Another strong memory, was the year I thought it would be a good time to take you to Bike Week in Daytona Beach with me because my son Matt lived on the beach and we could walk to Main Street with them.Sheila and Beau Bike Week Daytona 2010

Boy, was I wrong! You absolutely hated all the loud motorcycles and I watched you nearly, literally, come out of your skin when the bikes would blast by! So, I picked you up and carried you the whole time. And we didn’t stay long!

Here we are with my daughter Marie (who also loved you more than words)!

Marie Sheila and Beau Bike Week Daytona 2010

What with all our travels, you were always such a sport! You loved adventure – well, most of it. You always looked for the adventure – on every walk! Even from almost the beginning when you innocently thought you’d say hi to a Boxer, who turned on you and nearly killed you (that one time I walked you and Lou-Lou in a city park in Missouri)… I had to rush you to the doggy hospital to get drain tubes and stitches! What an ordeal that was! But you forged through it, and recovered so nicely. It did not deter you from making other doggy friends over the years, thankfully!

You always enjoyed going to mom and dad’s house. My mom and dad loved you too!

You fathered two litters of puppies, some of whom went on to great things! You were the best dad to them, cleaning them and showing them the doggy ropes, which I have been told, not many doggy dads do!

beau collage to 2007

You showed us all quiet unconditional love.

You always waited to be “invited” to sit on the couch with me. When Lou-Lou was alive, you always let her sit on me and you’d go to my side or feet. You were always the gentleman, the gentle heart!

You loved flowers. You loved finding new places to pee/potty, and you always wanted to go #2 as far away from the street or house as possible.

Beau 42613

You loved traveling with me, you and Lou-Lou were my companions and guards when I drove back and forth from Missouri to Florida for work all those years ago.

You taught me to wag more and bark less – in fact you rarely ever barked!

One time, (nearly two years ago) you met a beautiful big white dog (some kind of English Setter) and you barked in your loudest ever excited way, at him and wiggled all over! You were so adorable! You loved him so much, behaving that way every time we saw him on our walks! It was over the top! Almost embarrassing!! LOL

You made friends, yes human friends so very easily Debby Stott Aznar and Richard will always love you!!) You loved to stay with them when they babysat you! You were in your glory riding with Deb in her golf cart! Oh how you loved to ride in golf carts, and she wasn’t the first person you bummed a ride from over the years.

You taught me the meaning of “no complaints”.
You put up with more than I will probably ever know. And remained my steady and faithful friend.

Beau by my leg Nov 2014I will miss your snoring! And I felt your snore all the way up to the end.

I will miss carrying you up the steps, three times a day, up and down, for the last two years (due to your losing your depth perception).

I will miss taking you to the groomers and picking you up, all fresh smelling and gorgeous!

Beau and Lou-Lou Easter haircuts 2009

I am so glad you got to go on one last, short vacation to Georgia with us. I am sure it was hard on you, not knowing where you were, and with the yard on a hill, and cold ground — as it turns cold in the hills of Georgia in October. But, you got to be with me the whole weekend, and I loved holding you on the drive home. Beau in Georgia

I will try to say, so long with tears of joy that you will go in peace, at home – in my arms. And you did. With only one cry.

Your final trip. Over the Rainbow Bridge. I pray you’ll romp now with a big white dog, a special English Setter, or Lou-Lou, or both, whomever you prefer! I will hold that thought of you today and forever in my mind.

Beau closeup

Kisses always!

The last veterinarian, Dr. Francis Baker, came to our RV and showed us great compassion during this sad time. And I commented to Richard as she drove away with you, that you got one last ride in a Jeep (just as you had travelled with me all those years, when I had a Jeep). Somehow, in that moment, I was able to smile just a bit. Oh, Beau! Synchronicities. Ah!

Lou-Lou’s Beau (your official AKC registered name), will be memorialized at the base of the next tree I plant (maybe my son will do that for us, at his home, or we’ll plant an apple tree up north in Mike, Marie, and Jennie’s yard).

I will be forever grateful to my friend Liz Lowry, from Missouri, for strongly suggesting that I get a second Shih-Tzu, which, thanks to my cousin breeding them at the time, turned out to be you! I will be forever grateful to my cousin Molly Reynolds Curry for bringing Beau into our lives, and her mom and dad for delivering him to me in Florida, all those years ago.

You are the white knight, Beau. My best boy. Best furry friend ever. Your love will live in my heart forever.

20-Jan-2002 to 21-Oct-2015

My butterfly magnet

Rest in peace our beloved, Beau!

Lou-Lou and Beau, my “kids with fur”

About our fur babies

Preface: I’d been told that when you’re in recovery, it was a good thing to get a dog. I had no idea what I was in for, or what a huge commitment I was making! 🙂 Over the years, I was going to observe and learn a lot from my two doggies, “kids with fur”, or “fur babies.” Oh yes, a lot!

Receiving them into my life

I bought Beau from my cousin, while she was working as a long distance trucker. She also bred Shih-Tzu’s. Her mom and dad brought Beau to me (via a long drive on her mom’s lap) from WV to FL when Beau was only 6 weeks old.

I don’t recall if my cousin told me this, or it just seemed to me to be the case, but Beau must have been the runt of the litter. Always quiet and unassuming, he would let the other puppies walk all over him. At least that always proved to be the situation when we introduced him to our spirited and challenging female Shih-Tzu, Lou-Lou.

Lou-Lou was about a year old when a friend of mine convinced me she should have a playmate or mate as it were. I actually registered Beau with AKC under the name, “Lou-Lou’s Beau”.

Lou-Lou was the alpha of the two. They had two litters of puppies together when Beau was about 2 or 3 years old. My cousin told me to be careful that Beau didn’t hurt the puppies. But that never happened. Beau would help Lou-Lou keep all the puppies clean. He was the best dad!!

I had both Lou-Lou and Beau spayed and neutered after that second litter. Later we would come to learn that an accidental pregnancy (too soon after her first) would put severe strain on Lou-Lou’s health. She lived to 12 years of age, mostly because we ate an excellent raw diet and because she was so strong-willed. She had always experienced recurring bladder issues (which meant lots of trips to the vet for us), and finally succumbed due to a combination of complications from arthritis, infections, and more.

Conversely, Beau, has always been easy-going. He’s so polite in fact, he waits to be invited up on the couch! (Now I have to lift him up on the couch). Up until this year, he wouldn’t remain on the couch when I would get up for a few seconds to grab a drink or something! (I have to lift him from the couch to the floor now). He has never had an accident in the house, unless ill. He never barks. He never scratches anything. (Well, he did a couple times, no idea why). He never begs. Okay, maybe a little! He’s really just the perfect “man.” LOL

Lessons they taught me

Beau has taught me much about life, and continues to. He never sees a stranger. Beau is totally the social butterfly! 🙂 His eyesight has deteriorated now, so his behavior has changed some. He is more concerned with the smell of things than who is walking near us. But he used to make me a tad bit jealous, because he could just take off, go to anyone, and leave me behind without a second thought. In fact, I am quite sure of that. I am the one that superimposes my human ideas onto him.

Lessons my fur kids taught me

Beau introduced me to many of our neighbors, some even when they were outside (and did not have a dog)! He’d just go over as far as I would allow (on leash) and stand, until I acknowledged the neighbor, or admonished Beau that it was time for us to go home.

He’s more fond of adults than children but he’ll put up with kids petting him – though he gives me a look sometimes like, they’re not his type! LOL. Of course he’s always gentle. Only rarely does he come upon another dog that he doesn’t like. I always find that amusing and feel it must be a “vibe thing.”

Letting go

When we had to say good-bye to Lou-Lou December 2012, Beau never missed a beat. He didn’t display any sadness. Perhaps he knew it was just time. I think he’d really known much sooner than I that it was time for her to “move on” to another plane of existence. At any rate, he seemed relieved.

She had always shared food and they ate together well, but she had to get on the shared doggie bed first, get it all ruffled “just right”, before Beau could lay down. When I came home from work, she had to be on my lap first, get leashed for walking first, absorb the most of my time, and grab all the attention (she was a barker) with neighbors and other dogs when we walked. Many of our walks were stressful just because she would bark and carry on when other dogs walked by. I even took her to doggie training to try and curb her behavior. It worked – for awhile.

Now, all the focus is on Beau. And I promised Lou-Lou it would be – on our last trip to the veterinarian.

I had to fight many battles for her with different veterinarian’s over the years as her bladder issues reoccurred. I developed anxiety over even having to take her to the doctor. I had to learn it was never about me. It was always about her and I had to determine eventually that my intention was the same as the doctors we saw – to help her whatever we had to do. Granted everyone has to make money but for the most part, those who I had accused of just wanting to make more money from me, well, maybe they just didn’t know any other way to treat her than do many tests (eventually we did all the tests we could) but I struggled with that – a lot.

In the end sadly, to help her – when on top of everything her arthritis was too much for her to even allow me to gently bathe her – the best I could do for her was to make that final decision.

For a year, I had carried her up and down our steps for every walk because she couldn’t make it on her own. Now, I carry Beau as his eyesight is failing him. But thankfully he is pretty healthy otherwise – no arthritis.

Taking good care

My intention continues to be ensuring the best quality of health and life for Beau and I believe I’ve found the best healthcare providers to partner with me. Thank you so much Dr. Rumore and Lisa at Lake Seminole Animal Hospital. Your “petside” manner and love for animals is heartwarming and so very important.